


Coffee and Babies

by Kateho



Series: I GET TO LOVE YOU (IGTLY) [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Difficulties Getting Pregnant, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Made-Up Biology, Medical Inaccuracies, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Post-Canon, fluff and a tad of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateho/pseuds/Kateho
Summary: Harry looks at Louis fawning over the baby and smiles. He looks so happy and more handsome, if that was even possible, with a baby in his arms. Someday, Harry thinks to himself.Harry and Louis have always wanted babies. Harry thinks about how they started talking about having children when Harry was just 16 and Louis 18. They used to spend hours in bed thinking up names and dreaming of how they will bring their children on tours and arguing over sleep schedules. Harry thinks about how his hope and dream of having children were lost when he and Louis broke up all those years ago and how quickly it was rekindled when they got back together. He thinks about how the discussion of children never came up in any of his other relationships. Harry never wanted children with anyone else. Only Louis. They haven’t discussed it since they got married though, so Harry makes a mental note of bringing it up with Louis soon.OR ten years after the hiatus, Harry and Louis are finally married and they see a baby while buying coffee and they get baby feverupdates every thursday beginning Feb 18, 2021
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: I GET TO LOVE YOU (IGTLY) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984735
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. THE DIRTY BEANIE

**Author's Note:**

> Series title is from the song of the same title by Ruelle.
> 
> I only discovered Larry during quarantine and I am not a creative writer by practice. I'm still figuring this whole thing out so constructive criticism and suggestions are very welcome. 
> 
> would love comments and kudos if you think its deserved :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry savoring simple domestic bliss

Harry and Louis exit the hotel lobby side by side. Harry zips up his jacket and put on his gloves as they start walking slowly. The air is extra nippy today and he hides his hands in the two front pockets of his jacket. He looks over at Louis who has also put on his gloves and is currently fumbling through the pockets of his own jacket searching for something. A few seconds later Louis produces a black beanie from one of his pockets, raising it up in the air like it’s the World Cup and quietly lets out a triumphant “Yes!”

Harry smiles to himself. Harry loves the simplicity of quietly walking out of a hotel lobby with Louis and heading towards a random coffee shop they learned about from the concierge. He finds it quite domestic and he lives for these moments.

He remembers a time when walking out of a hotel lobby would have been an impossible feat without being flanked by bodyguards- let alone walking out with just Louis, but that is all a distant memory now. it has been 15 years since they met and fell in love, 12 years since their explosive break up, 10 years since the band went on hiatus, 8 years since they realized they were worth another shot, 4 years since they’ve come out, and his favorite- 6 months since they’ve been married. _Married._

It has taken them half of their lives and a few wrong turns to get here, and it felt like a never-ending uphill battle sometimes, but here they are, side by side as they always knew they were supposed to be.

Louis puts on the beanie and looks at Harry as he feels a pair of green eyes staring at him. “What?” Louis asks. 

“What do you mean, what?”

“Why are you looking at me like that and why do you have a dopey smile on your face?” Louis asks though he is smiling too, as if he is thinking the same thing.

Harry just smiles in response.

Louis squints his eyes at Harry “Is this turning you on Harold? Is me putting on a beanie doing it for you?” Louis says jokingly as he playfully and dramatically shifts the beanie around his head. “Are you having dirty thoughts about my beanie?” Louis adds with a mischievous grin.

Harry chuckles. He wasn’t having any particularly dirty thoughts at the moment, but now that Louis mentioned it…

He takes a step towards Louis and they pause in the middle of the sidewalk. Now face to face, Harry’s smile from earlier grows wider as he lazily wraps his arms around Louis’s waist and stares into his eyes. “Quite possibly, Lou Bear”


	2. THE COFFEE RUN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry see a baby while buying coffee

Harry and Louis enter the coffee shop recommended by the hotel concierge. It being 7:00 in the morning on a Friday, the place was busy but not yet packed. There were quite a few people queueing for coffee so they take their place at the end the line. They unlink their hands to remove their gloves and unzip their jackets but are in each other’s space again immediately after, Louis wrapping his arms around one of Harry’s arms.

Louis notices people glancing at them with a flash of recognition on their faces then immediately going back to minding their own business.

_I love New York_ , Louis thinks. He loves the nonchalance towards celebrities; everyone is either too busy or too cool to stare. Yesterday, they went jogging at Central Park and no one minded them. Today, they walked to the coffee shop and aside from a few looks, they were mostly left alone. Though now that they were in an enclosed space and the coffee line barely moving, there are a few who do stare and are undoubtedly taking photos. Harry must have noticed them too by now but didn’t give any indication that he minded and Louis was unbothered by it as well. There is nothing new to see here, nothing new to report to TMZ or The Daily Mail, no damaging information for their publicists to mitigate. Harry and Louis out and about together and being the sickeningly sweet newlywed couple is old news.

_Newlyweds._ Louis smiles against Harry’s arms 

“Black tea with a splash of milk?” Harry asked as he turns his attention from the menu board to Louis.

“M-m” Louis shakes his head “Since I have to go to the studio with you this early, I need something stronger. Lage black coffee, please.”

Louis is finalizing a deal for a few of the songs he recently wrote and he was supposed to be in New York for just a few of days when Harry decided to make the business trip into a mini-vacation and that he should go with Louis and that they should stay for the whole week. Meanwhile, Harry fills the days Louis is in meetings with studio time; he got a few New York-based musicians and writers scheduled. Louis’ meetings went smoothly though and was done by Thursday. So now, his Friday was free to follow his husband around like a love-sick puppy.

_Husband._ Louis smiles again.

“You don’t have to go with me, Lou. You can stay in the hotel, lounge by the pool, get a massage. Or do that museum tour you liked.” Harry says thoughtfully. 

They meant to visit the museum their first few days in New York; they also wanted to do the cheesy New York tourist-tour, as Louis had called it, but they ended up spending all their free time in the fancy hotel bed. Neither Harry nor Louis are complaining about it though.

“But I want to spend the day with YOU. And I don’t want to do tourists stuff by myself.”

“Well, if only someone told me a little earlier that he has Friday free then I might have had time to cancel my studio time today and be a cheesy tourist with my husband.” Harry mock-chided

_Husband._ There’s that word again. Louis doesn’t think he would ever stop loving hearing that word in reference to Harry and himself.

“I did tell you though!” Louis says in protestation. He pretends to be offended and lets go of Harry’s arm. 

“When?” Harry challenged.

“Wednesday night.” Louis says coolly.

Harry narrows his eyes at Louis trying to recall Wednesday night. Louis sees the moment Harry remembers because his eyes widen.

“Pffft!” Harry lets out with a sly smile as he pulls Louis closer to him and wraps his arms around his waist. “Honey..” Harry trails off then continues in a hushed tone “You cannot tell me mundane things like cancelled meeting schedules in the middle of…Wednesday night activities.”

Louis’ eyes grow wide because even though Harry truly tried to whisper that last sentence, it was still apparently loud enough for the person in front of them to stop scrolling on her phone and chuckle as if catching on to the implied sexual activities of Wednesday night. There was a time, a stranger hearing this exchange would mean meetings through the night for Harry and Louis, but that was a long time ago. Now, Harry nor Louis give it a second thought. _I hope she assumes it was multiple, vigorous, passionate, and extremely satisfying sexual activities- because it was_. Louis smirks.

Louis resumes to clinging to Harry’s arm and they are quiet for a while until they feel something lightly hit them from behind. They both turn around to see a pram being pushed by a woman.

“Oops! Sorry! I haven’t slept since last night and I’m a little uncoordinated right now.” She says with a frantic smile. She looks about the same age as Harry and Louis and does look like she could use a couple of hours of sleep.

“Don’t worry about it” “It’s okay” Harry and Louis say at the same time as they look inside the pram.

Louis gasps as he sees the baby. It looks so small and so precious. “How old is he? About 2 months old?” Louis asks the mom without taking his eyes off the baby.

“6 weeks” the mom says proudly “But he is a little longer for his age, people always think he’s at least 2 months”

“Well, you’re a big boy aren’t you? Yes, you areee!” Louis coos at a slightly higher octave.

“Would you like to hold him?” The woman seems pleased with the attention Harry and Louis are giving her baby.

“Can we?” Harry and Louis both look at the mother expectantly.

“Of course”

Louis’ hands are immediately inside the pram, carefully lifting the baby and cradling him into his arms. “He’s so precious.” Louis says quietly as he stares.

”What’s his name?” Harry asked, standing beside Louis with one hand thumbing circles at the small of his back. 

“Riley” The woman beams. 

“Hi Riley, it’s nice to meet you” Harry coos and runs a finger over the baby’s cheeks.

“Oh my god, he’s smiling” Louis says excitedly. "Haz, you made me him smile." Louis looks at Harry and they share a quiet moment. 

Harry thumbs through Louis cheek and tucks an imaginary strand of hair behind his ear before Louis goes back to cooing at the baby. 

“You’re a smiley baby, aren’t you?” Louis is now whispering at the baby.

Harry looks at Louis fawning over the baby and smiles. He looks so happy and more handsome, if that was even possible, with a baby in his arms. _Someday_ , Harry thinks to himself.

Harry and Louis have always wanted babies. Harry thinks about how they started talking about having children when Harry was just 16 and Louis 18. He thinks back to the beginning when they were just kids themselves and how they used to spend hours in bed thinking up names and dreaming of how they will bring their children on tours and arguing over sleep schedules. Harry thinks about how his dream and hope for children were lost when he and Louis broke up all those years ago and how quickly it was rekindled when they got back together. He thinks about how the discussion of children never came up in any of his other relationships. Harry never wanted children with anyone else. Only Louis. They haven’t discussed it since they got married though, so Harry makes a mental note of bringing it up with Louis soon. 

“Next!” Harry is brought back to the present by the barista calling out to him. He quickly walks over to the counter and recites his order.

The woman is then joined by a man who offers to fall in line for her and tells her to sit down in one of the booths. Louis takes this as a cue to return the baby and joins Harry at the counter.

“…And please get the order for the man behind us as well” Louis hears Harry say to the barista.

Harry and Louis patiently wait for the barista to punch in all of Harry’s order that includes coffee for everyone joining him at the studio today. Louis briefly wonders how they will carry all that coffee, but something else quickly occupies his thoughts.

Louis hugs Harry from the side and links his hands together around Harry’s waist. He rests his chin on Harry’s shoulder who automatically drapes an arm around him. 

“I want one.” Louis says, his chin still resting on Harry’s shoulder.

“Want one what, baby?” Harry turns his head to look into Louis’ eyes

“Baby. I want one” Louis says shyly

“You want a baby?” Harry smiles, his lips only a few inches away from Louis’

Louis nods. Harry chuckles and kisses Louis’ forehead.

“But I thought we wanted three babies?” Harry says with a smile, his lips still pressed to his husband’s forehead.

Louis smiles and buries his face on Harry’s neck as he hugs Harry tighter. _Babies. Three babies._ He can’t wait to have babies with Harry. 


	3. THE TALK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry discuss having children

Louis steps out of their hotel bathroom and sees Harry already in bed. He takes in the sight of his husband, shirtless, hands crossed behind his head, and staring at the ceiling deep in thought. He’s known Harry for fifteen years but swears he will never get used to how beautiful he is.

“Hey” Louis says quietly, not moving from where he’s standing, careful not to startle Harry from his thoughts.

Harry looks at him and seems to notice Louis for the first time since he entered the bedroom.

“Hey” Harry says just as quietly, his eyes now roaming Louis’ body who is just in his boxers. Louis recognizes the flicker of desire in Harry’s eyes.

“Whatcha thinkin’?” Louis says as he walks towards the bed and stops at the edge. He already knows where Harry’s mind is.

“Come ‘ere” Harry says to Louis with a soft smile and reaches an arm out to him. Louis crawls into bed and settles in Harry’s arms, his head resting on Harry’s chest.

They were quiet for a minute as Harry softly runs his hand up and down Louis’ arm.

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Harry breaks the silence “Do you want to start trying for a baby?”

“Of course.” Louis says with a smile and looks to Harry with a smile.

“Okay.” Another soft smile from Harry.

“Okay.” Louis says in almost a whisper.

The moment is so quiet, like they were afraid of breaking a spell. Louis thinks about how they’ve discussed countless hopes and dreams like this and how so many of the big, life-changing decisions they’ve made were made like this- them in bed, huddled together quietly. The first time they decided to live together, they were in tiny bunk bed then in a much bigger bed in their London flat when they decided to move to LA for good. Even the time they broke up and the time they discussed the hiatus of the band, they were in bed. Harry even proposed to him under the covers of week-old soiled sheets in their LA home. 

Louis feels Harry shift beside him so they are facing each other.

“Lou..if we’re going to try for a baby…” Harry says softly and with hesitation in his voice “If we’re going to try for a baby, we have to talk about our work schedules” Harry stops again and looks Louis in the eye. “You know I would never tell you to stop working or slow down at work. I think you’re brilliant and you deserve as much work as you want but…our schedules, they get crazy and stressful and I don’t want you stressing out during the pregnancy…It’s not going to be good for you or the baby.” Harry finishes with a worried look on his face.

Louis looks at Harry softly and runs hand through his husband’s hair to ease his worry. It works; the creases on Harry’s forehead loosen and a smile is starting to form on his lips. Just hearing Harry talk about him being pregnant and already worrying about him and their future baby makes his heart flutter.

“I know, Haz. I don’t want to stress out about work either when the time comes. Right now, a new album is in the back burner. I’ll still be writing but mostly for others. We’re discussing a few collaborations which might mean a few guest performances here and there. There’s also few episodes for some TV shows that I might do but that’s mostly it. I’m probably not going to stop completely unless there is a need to but I won’t be working as much as before and I’m not going to be spending a lot of time away from home”

“Okay.” Harry says “I’ll talk to Jeff too. I want to be home with you during the pregnancy and spend time with you and the baby afterwards. We’ve just started writing for the next album, so promo and tour dates are still vague. I’ll hold off finalizing anything so that I can push back or cancel it altogether, depending on when we get pregnant. I’ll ask to change a few things around so most of the writing sessions happen in LA.” 

“Okay. I’ll call Dr. Garber and set an appointment for when we get back home.” Louis says referring to the Male Obstetrics Specialist he’s had since he moved to LA. 

“Sounds like we got a plan.” Harry says with excitement in his voice

“We do.” Louis says. “We’re really doing this.” He adds with wide eyes.

“We are.” Harry says happily.

“You know, we could start trying right now.” Harry says, immediately shifting the mood of the conversation as he moves on top of Louis and pins his arms above his head and starts kissing him along his jaw.

Louis giggles “You know that’s not how it is for us. We need to see Dr. Garber first.”

“Is that so?” Harry says as he stops and looks Louis in the eye “Looks like we’re going to have sex just for fun then.” Harry smirks.

Louis smiles back up at him as they kiss. They start off slow and as the kiss deepens, Harry’s hands lets go of Louis’ arms and travels slowly along Louis’ torso. Harry’s hands stop on Louis’ waist and he sits up on his knees, Louis’s body in between his legs. He looks down at Louis splayed on the bed and thinks he looks so lovely with his arms still stretched above his head, dark hair bunched up against the white sheets, eyes half-closed, eyelashes casting a shadow on his cheeks, soft moist lips slightly open. 

Harry’s hands are on either side of Louis’ waist and his thumbs are rubbing small circles near Louis’ navel. He crouches down to plant a gentle kiss Louis’ stomach. “We’re gonna put a baby in here.”

“MMmmm…” Louis says in response, getting hard on the thought. Louis tangles his hand on Harry’s hair, tugging as Harry kisses his stomach more aggressively.

Harry sits up again. He puts himself in between Louis’ thighs as he spreads and pushes Louis’ legs, bending his knees upward. Harry backs towards the edge of the bed and bends down. He spreads Louis’ cheeks and licks a stripe on the hole. Harry teases the rim with his tongue then pushes in making Louis jerk and arch his lower back.

“Please…Harry…please…” Louis begs as he starts tugging on Harry’s hair again.

“What do you want, baby?” Harry says as he looks up at Louis.

He looks at Louis who is now breathing heavily with eyes closed and lips parted wide. 

“Harry…Haz…Hazza…”

“Tell me what you want, baby.”

“I need a baby now, Haz…I need your baby now.” Louis says breathlessly.

Harry growls and in an instant is aligned above Louis’ body again and kissing him desperately.

“Let’s make a baby now, Haz.” Louis says hazily in between kisses and raises his legs in the air to give Harry access.

“Okay, baby... Okay” Harry pants as he aligns himself with Louis and he pushes in. They both groan in pleasure as Harry’s length settles inside Louis.

Harry does a few slow thrusts and as he finds his rhythm then he quickens his pace. Louis tightly wraps his legs around Harry’s waist, pushing him deeper. His one hand is digging fingers into Harry’s back while the other is aggressively pulling on Harry’s hair. Harry is breathing heavily in the crook of Louis’ neck.

Harry raises himself higher by supporting himself with his arm. He places a palm on Louis’ belly as he’s thrusting. Louis looks at the hand touching where a baby would grow and moans loudly and screams Harry’s name. It’s all he needs to explode and spill on his own torso. With a few more thrusts and a loud grunt, he feels Harry’s cum spreading inside him as well.

They stay in place as they both come down from their orgasms. After a few moments, Harry looks Louis in the eye, wipes a few beads of sweat that formed on Louis’ forehead and gently plants a kiss on his lips.

“I love you, Lou.” Harry says reverently.

“I love you too, Haz” Louis responds breathlessly with a smile.

Harry slides out of Louis and lies down beside him and lets out a quiet laugh.

“What?” Louis asked turning to him.

“Baby making is fun.” Harry says with a big grin on his face.

Louis laughs but Harry doesn’t join in. Louis turns to look at Harry who now has a serious look on his face.

“I can’t wait to grow a family with you, Lou.” Harry says wistfully.

“Me too, Haz. Me too.”


	4. THE MORNING AFTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis anxiously waits to call his doctor to make an appointment. Harry tries his best to calm his nerves.

After having the talk with Harry about growing their family on Friday night, Louis woke up ridiculously early on Saturday morning. They were still in New York and he was waiting for 11 a.m. so he could call Dr. Garber’s office back in L.A. when it opens at 8 a.m.

He was going to call to make an appointment for as soon as they are back home. Louis has called to schedule appointments to Dr. Garber’s office before; he has been since he permanently moved to L.A. four years ago. However, this particular call for this particular appointment has Louis’ stomach in knots. He will be scheduling an appointment so he can get pregnant.

Louis was still lying in bed, clutching to his chest a fistful of the covers he was sharing with Harry. He was nervous about this next big step they are taking. He looks over at Harry serenely sleeping beside him, half his face buried on this pillow and Louis instantly feels a wave of calm was over him. He reaches out to Harry to gently fix a few stands of his hair off his face, careful not to wake him. Louis decides he was nervous in a good way; nervous-excited because he is having a baby with Harry. _His Harry_. 

“Lou?” Harry sleepily says as he stirs from his sleep. “What are you doing up so early?”

Between the two of them, Harry is the early riser so Louis waking up before Harry doesn’t happen often.

“Waiting for it to be 8 a.m. in L.A. so I can call and make an appointment with Dr. Garber.” Louis quietly says as he continues to gently brush strands of hair off Harry’s face

Harry smiles and reaches for his watch from his bedside “Baby, it’s 3 a.m. in L.A. right now.”

“I know. That’s why I’m waiting.” Louis grins sheepishly.

Harry pulls Louis to his chest and plants his lips on his forehead. “Are you nervous?”

Louis nods.

“Are you scared?” Harry still has his lips on Louis’ forehead.

Louis thinks about Harry’s question as he grazes his hand across Harry’s tattoos on his arms then the ones on his torso. He is having a baby with _Harry_ , his husband, the kindest, most loving person he knows. Harry will teach their baby to dream big and how to be strong but gentle and to be the light in every room they enter- just like Harry. Harry will love their baby endlessly and will never leave. Louis is not scared.

“No.” Louis finally answers quietly.

Harry gently pulls Louis’ chin upward, so their eyes meet. “Lou, you know we don’t need to have babies for me to be insanely happy, right? It can be just you and me for the rest of our lives and I would still be the happiest person alive.” Harry says thoughtfully, his eyes never straying from Louis’

“I know.” Louis says with a smile. “I want to have babies with you, Haz.” Louis reassures Harry. 

“Okay.” Harry says with a gentle smile. “So, we have five hours until we have to call Dr. Garber. What do you want to do?” Harry says suggestively with a mischievous grin.

“You can help me calm my nerves.” Louis plays along

“Oh yeah?” Harry plants a quick kiss on Louis’ lips

“Yeah” Louis returns the kiss with one of his own

“What can I do to calm you nerves?” Another quick kiss from Harry.

“We can walk to that coffee shop again and maybe stay for some muffins” Louis says smiling and places distance between their lips.

“Okay” Harry says coolly.

Louis was expecting Harry to protest by playfully pinning him to the bed, instead Harry stands up and offers a hand to Louis.

“Let’s get ready then.” Harry says with a smile. Louis takes his hand and rolls his eyes as they head to the bathroom.

Louis and Harry enter the coffee shop again at It’s 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning. There were still very few customers and judging on the ambience in the shop, it’s because its main customer base is still either nursing a hangover or at a pop-up farmer’s market somewhere in the city. They go straight to the counter hand-in-hand.

Harry has done a good job so far of occupying Louis and keeping his nervousness at bay while waiting for 11 a.m. Harry made him come in their hotel bathroom by eating him out, then they took a leisurely walk in the park, looked at some shops before making their way to the coffee shop. Before Louis knew it, it was already 10 a.m.

“Good morning!” the barista greets them with a wide smile. It’s hard to tell if he recognizes Harry and Louis or if he is just a really happy morning person, maybe both.

“Good morning!” Louis chirps

“Hey, how are you today, Kevin?” Harry greets the barista. He recognizes him as the same one from yesterday. Kevin beams.

Harry has such away with people, Louis thinks. One look and a few thoughtful words and he’s got most everyone wrapped around his finger.

“I’m doing great. Thanks! What can I get you guys, today?”

“Uh…one black tea with two sugars, one green smoothie…” Harry says trailing off as he looks at the glass display filled with baked goods. “and do you want a muffin, Muffin?” Harry continues as he looks at Louis with a playful smile.

Louis looks at the barista and smiles as he rolls his eyes at the same time. Harry can be really cheesy sometimes. “Yeah, blueberry please…and a fruit cup” He should start eating healthier, Louis thinks. 

“…and a fruit cup, please.” Harry repeats while looking at Louis fondly.

Louis is not the healthiest eater but he added a fruit cup and Harry knows why. Louis holds his gaze and kisses him softly at the cheek. The barista giggles at the exchange between Louis and Harry and they both return their attention to Kevin, giving him a soft smile.

“Why don’t you find us a seat, baby. I’ll bring our drinks over.” Harry says to Louis.

“Okay.” Louis says as he walks towards a couple of bar stools by the window.

When Harry thinks he is far enough, he turns to the Kevin and whispers “Listen, could you make the black tea decaf?”

The barista looks over to where Louis is seating and awkwardly nods.

“My husband is nervous about a phone call and I just got him to calm down.” Harry supplies out of guilt for changing his husband’s order behind his back, but Louis doesn’t need caffeine right now.

“Okay.” The barista’s big grin is back.

“I’m sorry…” The barista adds hesitantly “I just have to say, your love story is so inspiring to so many. Thank you for sharing it, it’s given so many people courage.”

“Thank you.” Harry says with a sincere smile. “That truly means a lot” Harry adds thoughtfully.

Out of the many ripple effects of them coming out publicly had, hearing how it inspired courage in others is one of his favorites. 

“You’re both so handsome and look so happy, they can base a fairy tale off of you.” The barista stays without breathing and looks mortifyingly embarrassed after saying it.

“Thank you.” Harry says with a light chuckle “And we are very happy.” He says with pause “Louis makes me very happy.” He adds looking over at Louis wistfully.

Kevin is beaming again.

“So, here’s your decaf black tea with two sugars, green smoothie, blueberry muffin, and fruit cup” interjects another bubbly employee, sliding a tray on the counter and eyeing Kevin with a smile for how distracted he was.

“Thank you.” Harry says to the girl. “Thank you, Kevin. Hope we can chat again soon.” Harry turns to Kevin and carries the try to where Louis was waiting.

“Looks like a fun chat with Kevin.” Louis says with a smile.

“He thinks we’re inspiring” Harry says as he puts down the tray.

“Mmm… That’s sweet of him.” Louis reaches for his tea and moves the tea bag around the cup.

“He said they can base a fairy tale off of us.” Harry says with a light chuckle.

“We should call Disney then.” Louis reaches for the muffin and grins.

“Because we’re both so handsome.” Harry sits down on the bar stool beside Louis. One leg planted on the floor and the other bent on the knee, positioning it in between Louis’ legs.

“Our babies will be beautiful” Louis responds as he wraps his arms around Harry’s neck.

“And because we look so happy.” Harry says as he places the fruit cup and coffee on the table and pushes the tray to the side. 

“We are happy. You make me the happiest.” Louis says as he plants a chaste kiss on Harry’s lips.

“We are, aren’t we?” Harry places a hand on Louis’ knee 

“I have to tell you something.” Harry says thoughtfully. “…I switched your tea to decaf.”

Louis just smiles. Harry looks really sorry about it; he is very mindful of not being overbearing.

“I know.” Louis says quietly and Harry looked surprised, so he continues “It says decaf on the tag” playfully rolling his eyes.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” Louis says sincerely, putting Harry’s worry to rest.

Louis looks at the time on his watch. It’s 10:15 a.m. They will be calling Dr. Garber in just 45 minutes. He is still nervous-excited, but what he feels most right now is contentment and peace just sitting beside Harry.


	5. THE SEX-ED RECAP

“Did you know I had sexual relations with Obama?” Harry asks Louis with a smirk.

“What are you on about?” Louis says as he shifts his focus from the magazine he was mindlessly reading on his lap to Harry who was sitting beside him.

Harry is smiling and holding up the magazine he had on his own lap “It was front page 11 years ago” He says with a smile.

Louis smiles and rolls his eyes at Harry. He then squints to look at the date on the magazine. It does say November 2014. “That paper is so old, why is it still alive?”

“Don’t you know? This is where print magazines come to die, baby.” Harry whispers to Louis as he waves his arm as if presenting the lounge room they were in to an audience.

Harry’s mood was playful but the way he whispered so close to his ear made Louis bite his lip. His eyes met Harry’s and they share a kiss that lingers for just a few seconds before they both leaned back at the couch, side by side. Harry lightly rests a hand on Louis’ thigh and kisses him on the temple before picking up and shuffling through another magazine.

It was late Monday afternoon and they were in the waiting room of Dr. Garber’s office. Louis takes in the room. It hasn’t changed a lot since he started his visits four years ago but with the classic grey walls, clean lines of the white sofas, and tastefully selected artworks on the wall, it still looked updated. The atmosphere was relaxing as well. The air was cool and there was a faint smell of the beach coming from one of those mist machines. There was a big window at one end of the room with a view of treetops. They were also served cucumber water and tea when they arrived. There were copious amounts of outdated magazines artfully spread in different nooks of the room. He always wondered about those; now he knows. They weren’t so much for informing and entertaining but for calming the nerves. 

Speaking of nerves, he is really anxious about this appointment. He was just here for an appointment a month before their wedding and he was told that everything looks fine, but Louis can’t help but worry. What if something has changed in the last few months? At 33, Louis knows he isn’t that young anymore. What if his eggs just dried up?

He doesn’t realize he was shaking his leg until Harry presses the hand he had on his thigh.

“Relax, Lou.” Harry whispers reassuringly. “Everything will be okay, yeah?”

Louis stops shaking his leg and smiles at Harry. Harry removes his hand from Louis’ thigh and transfers it to Louis’ lower back where he began drawing circles with his thumb. Louis closes his eyes and breathes in gently. Harry knows how to calm him down. Harry collects Louis’ hands with his free one and places then gently plants a kiss.

“It’ll be okay. We’re okay.” Harry says in a soothing tone and places another kiss on Louis’ temple. 

“You know what would really help?” Louis says

“What, baby?” Harrys asks, his lips still pressed to Louis’ temple.

“If you talk to the receptionist and make him blush using the ol’ Harry Styles charm.” Louis says with a smile. He was joking- mostly- referring to the man sitting behind the desk by the door.

“What?” Harry says as he shifts his position to face Louis.

“You heard the call I made on Saturday. I had to practically beg to get this appointment.” Louis says with a pout. “If you use your magic on him and it works – and trust me, it will- it’ll be easier for me to set an appointment next time.” Louis explains “You, know. By association.” He then gives Harry a smile.

Dr. Garber was a highly sought-after obstetrician and Louis usually booked his appointments weeks in advance just for his routine check-up. He did have to practically beg to get an appointment when he called Saturday. Luckily, the doctor overheard her receptionist respectfully declining Louis’ requests and offering an available slot scheduled in three weeks. Dr. Garber agreed to extend his consultation time for that Monday to accommodate Louis. 

“So, you want me to flirt with the assistant of the doctor who’s helping us get pregnant?” Harry says flatly, slightly bemused.

Louis shrugs “Yeah. Basically.” He says with a toothy smile.

Harry shakes his head as he laughs.

Just then, they hear the door from the doctor’s consultation room open. 

“Louis?” says a woman with slightly graying hair in a white coat. “Are you ready?” She adds with a smile.

“Yes.” Louis says as he stands and walks to enter the room. Harry follows his lead.

Harry and Louis enter the room and the woman closes the door behind him.

“How are you Louis?” she asks as she leads Louis and Harry towards another white couch. 

“I’ve been good, Dr. Garber. Thank you for seeing us today. I know you extended your hours for it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Dr. Garber says as she waives her hand and sits down on a chair opposite Louis and Harry who take their seats as well.

“Oh, this is my husband Harry.” Louis reaches for Harry’s hand resting on his lap.

“That’s right! You were about to get married last time you were here. Congratulations!” Dr. Garber says in an upbeat voice with a hint of excitement.

“Thank you.” Louis and Harry respond together with a smile and they look at each other.

“It’s nice finally meeting you, Harry” says the doctor as she extends her hand to Harry for a handshake.

“The pleasure is all mine, Dr. Garber.” Harry gives Dr. Garber his best smile as he shakes her hand.

Louis can tell Harry is trying to get on the doctor’s good side. This is a much better approach than going by Dr. Garber’s assistant.

“Okay.” Dr. Garber’s tone has slightly shifted to a more formal one. “How can I help you today, Louis?”

“Um…” Louis starts as he looks from the doctor to Harry. Harry gives him an encouraging smile and squeezes his hand. “Harry and I were talking about having a baby and we wanted to try getting pregnant.” Louis lets out and biting his lips after.

“That’s wonderful” Dr. Garber’s upbeat tone mixed with excitement is back.

“Harry, since this is our first time meeting, I have to ask. Are you by any chance an MPC?” her formal tone is back

“No.” Harry says

“Okay.” Dr. Garber acknowledges “Louis is an MPC. That means, Louis, you will be carrying the baby.”

“Yes.” Louis responds.

He can’t believe he is finally having this discussion with his doctor, with Harry by his side. It’s been fifteen years in the making. Louis can’t help feeling so complete right now especially with Harry pulling him closer and gently kissing him on his temple. 

“Alright.” Dr, Garber says softly. She then shifts her demeanor and becomes more formal.

“When discussing male pregnancies with my patients, I like to start with the basics. Unfortunately, it is still not given enough attention and I want to make sure we are all starting off the same page. Okay?”

Louis and Harry just nod.

“Louis, we have discussed this before, but for the sake of Harry, let’s go through it again.”

The doctor stands up and takes a 3D model from the bookcase then settles back into her seat and places the 3D model on the coffee table.

“Like I said, it is still not thoroughly discussed. It is a rare occurrence so not everyone understands it fully.” 

“It’s more common now though, right?” Harry asked

“Yes.” The doctor says matter of factly. “Well, because of medical advances, more males are aware if they are an MPC or a Male with Pregnancy Capacity. And more MPCs are now able to carry a pregnancy full term. Think of it as rare as having red hair, only 1-2% of the population has it.”

“Ready for a refresher is Sex Education?” Dr. Garber asks with a smile.

“Yeah.” Harry chuckles.

The doctor starts disassembling the 3D model in front of them as she explains. “So, in utero, some fetus will simultaneously develop both female and male reproductive organs. When that happens, the baby will present as male, meaning the baby will have a penis but will have their female reproductive organs pushed to the back, sharing an opening with the anus. Although it looks like its sharing one entrance, inside, it actually splits into the cervix and the anal cavity.” Dr. Garber is pointing at the different parts of the 3D model as she talks.

Harry knows this from school but he is intently listening.

“Now, Males with Pregnancy Capacity or MPCs are categorized into three types based on how their eggs are released from their ovaries. MPC-1 are those who develop like their female counterparts, ovulating when they reach puberty.”

The doctor stops to see if Harry is catching up.

“You didn’t start ovulating though, baby. You don’t bleed. So, you’re not a 1, right?” Harry asks Louis when the doctor paused. Louis had explained it to him a lifetime ago when they were just starting out. 

“No, I’m not.” Louis says gently Harry with a soft smile. Harry nods.

Dr. Garber looks at Louis before proceeding as if asking for permission.

“It’s okay Dr. Garber. We can discuss everything with Harry.” Louis smiles at Harry. Harry smiles back.

“That’s right, Harry. Louis is not an MPC-1.” Dr. Garber adds.

“Based on previous tests and on the fact that Louis doesn’t ovulate naturally, Louis is most likely an MPC-2.

An MPC-2 will have more testosterone and their eggs are not released unless triggered by an increase in estrogen.

MPC-3 are those who have ovaries but have no or very few eggs but still have a womb. MPC – 3 can also have eggs like an MPC -2 but they do not respond to hormone treatments. They can still get pregnant but usually only through In-Vitro Fertilization or IVF.”

“Okay.” Harry says. “You mentioned you’ve done tests that says Louis is an MPC- 2?”

Harry knew about the annual check-ups and Louis would sometimes mention off-hand that it went well but Harry didn’t really know the details.

“Yes.” Dr. Garber says “It is an elective test that can be included in the annual visits recommended for MPCs. We would send a ping or a signal to the eggs that simulates an increase in estrogen and see if the eggs react.”

Dr. Garber scrolled through her computer she continued to speak.

“We’ve done the test here….five times….since Louis started with me…4 years ago….once a year except last year when he had the test twice.” Dr. Garber explained.

Dr. Garber was quiet for a moment as she scrolls through more information on her computer. “Louis, you’ve shared your previous tests results from different doctors over the years. And the results have been pretty consistent….since…2010”

“All of them indicate that your eggs are reacting as a typical MPC-2 would.” Dr. Garber finished as she finally brought her attention back to Harry and Louis. 

“You started getting tested since 2010?” Harry was looking even more softly at Louis.

“Around September that year, yeah.” Louis’ voice matches Harry’s voice.

Harry was now just staring at Louis like he was about to cry. From the outside, it seemed like an unimportant detail, telling Harry what month 15 years ago he first got tested but Harry knew what Louis was saying. They were barely a month into being in an official relationship in September 2010 when Louis shared that he was an MPC. It meant the world to Harry that Louis told him about it so quickly. Times where different when they were growing up. He knew that being an MPC was usually a highly guarded secret and was not shared with just anyone.

Louis told him that he found out he was an MPC after having a full body scan following a football injury. He had a test and was told he was an MPC but with higher testosterone levels which – a fact Louis took advantage of to hide the fact that he was an MPC. For years, Louis did not just hide the fact he was an MPC, he ignored it even and has never visited a doctor after finding out.

After assuring Louis that his secret was safe with him, their conversation somehow immediately drifted to having babies together. Their relationship was so new and they were so young to be discussing having children but it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Louis must have gotten tested sometime soon after that conversation. 

Harry leans his forehead on Louis and thumbs through Louis’ hair and Louis is just quietly smiling.

“Do you gentlemen need a moment?” Dr. Garber asks kindly, bringing them both back to the present

Louis and Harry let go of each other and face the doctor, holding in sniffles and tears but they were also laughing.

“No. I’m sorry. We’re good.” Louis says looking at Harry.

The doctor hands over a box of tissues. 

“Very well.” Dr Garber says softly. “We can discuss your hormone treatment plan when you’re ready”

“Oh, we’re ready” Louis says with a smile while dabbing on his eyes with a tissue and leans on Harry’s waiting arms.

The doctor stands up and opens a locked cupboard. She picks up a bottle and a box and settles it beside the 3D model on the table.

“These pills are synthetic estrogen specifically for MPCs” Dr. Garber says while holding the chunky orange bottle. “Take one daily, preferably the same time every day. Since it will change your hormonal levels, there are some side effects you should watch out for while your body is adjusting – irritability, headaches, muscle pain, fatigue, and increased sex drive.”

Louis doesn’t look at Harry but he knows Harry’s interest is piqued by the last side effect. Louis is proven right when Harry lets out a cough. He gives Harry a side eye.

“Don’t worry. Everyone seems to be interested in that particular side effect.” Dr. Garber smiles, noticing the exchange.

“These are ovulation sticks” Dr. Garber points to the box “After the first two weeks of taking the pill, you can use it to check if you are ovulating. If you are ovulating, this line will appear darker than this so you will see two lines.” Dr. Garber hands the box to Louis. “If it says you’re ovulating, the next 12-36 hours is the best time for intercourse to increase the chances of pregnancy.” Dr. Garber looks at Louis and Harry who both nod.

“Now Louis, we had your eggs tested just 6 months ago. We don’t have to do another test for now, but we could if you want to. We want to do some bloodwork as well to check your overall health and if there is any lifestyle changes you have to make. The tests will have to be scheduled with the lab on a different day. My assistant will let you know the available schedule when you go out later.”

“Okay.” Louis says dutifully. He looks at the bottle and box at Dr. Garber’s side of the table. He practically has to stop himself from reaching over and grabbing them. 

“Gentlemen, I know this is a very exciting time, but I do have to warn you. Sometimes the pill works, sometimes it doesn’t. If you don’t start ovulating within the next six weeks, set another appointment and we can discuss more aggressive hormonal treatments if you are interested.” 

“What are the chances of the pill working?” Louis asks.

Dr. Garber has still not handed over the pills and the ovulation sticks to him. Adding the warning of Dr. Garber about getting too excited, Louis now feels anxious. He feels Harry’s hand travel to the base of his spine and he starts rubbing circles with his thumb. 

“It’s hard to say, Louis. It’s different for everyone. But you are young and healthy and with your tests, I would say there is a high probability it will work for you.”

“If it doesn’t work, what do you mean aggressive hormonal treatments?” Harry says, worry laced in his words. He has heard the phrase ‘aggressive treatments’ before when his dad got sick and from what Harry has witnessed, aggressive treatments mean you feel worse.

“Well, the most common option are daily hormonal injections. These are more potent so side effects can be more pronounced.” Dr Garber explains.

Harry knew it. He doesn’t like the idea of Louis going through that if he had any say in it. Harry looks over at Louis who doesn’t seem bothered by this information at all. He will have to be the one to ask the questions about this. 

“Daily injections? He has to come by everyday then?” Harry asks wondering how that will work.

“Well…he could…but most patients opt to do it on their own so it doesn’t impact their daily schedule as much. I can teach you how to administer it yourself, so that daily visits are not required.”

“No. Louis, no one is sticking a needle in you unless it’s a medical professional.” Why is a doctor suggesting a patient inject himself? Harry’s voice must have come off too firm because Louis is looking at him in surprise.

“Babe…I don’t…I mean…” Harry tries to explain himself but he can’t find the words.

“It’s okay, Haz.” Louis says softly “Dr. Garber said we have a good chance of getting pregnant with just the pills anyway. So we’re probably not going to get to that point, but if we do, we’ll talk about it first, yeah?” Louis is rubbing Harry’s arm to comfort him.

“Okay.” Harry says.

After a few moments of silence, Dr. Garber says “Okay. Do you have any more questions?”

Louis and Harry shake their head.

“Alright. If you don’t have questions, that’s it for now. You can call my office to set appointments.” Dr. Garber gets a card from her desk. “Since you are starting treatment, here’s my direct number if you have any questions or concern about how it is going.” She says with a smile as she hands Louis the pill bottle and box.

Louis and Harry are now sitting in the car with the engine still turned off. They have just left Dr. Garber’s office the both of them are still recovering from the appointment. It was a roller coaster of emotions. Louis was nervous then they both were excited then Harry felt anxious hearing about what Louis might go through to get pregnant.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asks as he reaches out to thumb over Louis’ thigh.

“Nervous, but mostly excited.” Louis says with a smile. “How about you, you okay?”

“Yeah.” Harry answers quietly “I love you, Lou” Harry says as he kisses Louis on the forehead.

“I Love you, Haz.” Louis says softly as he presses his lips on Harry’s.

Louis’ attention is brought to the chunky orange bottle that will give them babies. It seemed so surreal. He clutches it tight as if praying for it to work. 

“This is it.” Louis says quietly.

“Lou, no matter how this turns out…” Harry says carefully “We’ll be okay. Yeah?”

“Yes.” Louis says, breathing in deeply. “We’re okay. We’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” Harry says and plants another kiss on Louis’ lips. “Let’s go home and make babies” He says loudly as he starts the engine.

“Let’s go make babies” Louis says laughing.


	6. LATELY I’M A-PRAYIN’ THAT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE STAYIN’ BESIDE ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going through a BREAD phase when I was writing this chapter so they kinda got incorporated into the next few chapters. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the song Baby I'm-A Want You by Bread.

Louis feels the harsh rays of the sun as soon as he tried to open his eyes. He shades his eyes with his arm as the other one fumbles around the bed for his phone. He finally finds it and squints his eyes to look at the time and he sighs to himself. He had just wasted the whole of yet another morning by sleeping. He’s been doing that a lot lately; he just feels so tired all the time. Like right now, for example, he just woke up from a nap but he still feels so tired that he is tempted to not leave the bed the rest of the day, if it weren’t for his severe need to pee.

Louis forces himself up and walks to their bathroom. As he does, he grabs an ovulation stick from its box. After he’s done using the bathroom, he places the thin strip on the counter and waits. He really shouldn’t be checking again because he just checked earlier that morning when he woke up, just before Harry left for the studio; he checked last night too before sleeping and then again in the middle of the night. He checks every time he has to use the bathroom. Its always negative, but you never know. Louis is trying not to be too hopeful as he waits so he absent-mindedly rearranges the assortment of pill bottles on the counter to distract himself.

After two weeks of taking his pills, Louis excitedly used his ovulation sticks for the first time, just like Dr. Garber instructed. When it turned out negative, he didn’t let himself feel too disappointed. After all, he had four weeks following the first two before he has to go back to Dr. Garber to discuss more aggressive hormonal treatment options. Louis instead focused his energy on boosting his fertility and devoured every information he found about it. He quickly became wary of most information he found online, so he concentrated on published scientific studies and a few blogs that looked reliable. In his carefully curated list of studies and blogs, he kept seeing the same list of vitamin and herbal supplements being recommended because they show promising results.

Dr. Garber wasn’t against them but warned about being too hopeful about its results. They’re not miracle workers, she said as she likened the effect of taking vitamin supplements to eating fruits and vegetables – it’ll help you be healthier overtime, but you’re not going to bulk up or lose weight overnight. It didn’t matter; as soon as Dr. Garber said it was okay, Louis dragged Harry to the health store to get all the supplements he read about. And since he’s taking supplements for fertility, why stop there? Might as well take a few more for his overall health, right?

So that’s another development in the past five weeks since they had their visit with Dr. Garber; he and Harry (actually just Louis) are currently in a supplement phase. Harry didn’t say anything about Louis’ supplement obsession but picked up a couple of bottles for himself too.

Louis hears the timer he set up on his phone go off. Times up. Louis takes a deep breath before he looks at the white strip – negative. Oh well.

Louis throws away the strip, wipes the counter and washes his hands. And just to pass time, he rearranges the pill bottles again. That’s what he was doing when his phone dinged. It was Harry.

_Hi Love. Are you up?_

How does he do that? Louis thinks to himself. Whenever he felt sad or anxious or just out of sorts in general (which was too often nowadays), he would get a message or a call from Harry.

_I’m up. Just woke up though. Wasted another morning in bed =(_

A mere seconds after replying to Harry’s message, his phone was buzzing, Harry on Facetime. Louis takes a breath and puts a smile on his face.

“There’s my husband!” Harry’s sunny voice booms in bathroom “What a sight for sore eyes.”

Louis chuckles and rolls his eyes “Am I now? With my uncombed hair and morning breath?”

“Absolutely” Harry’s voice sounds almost reverend and Louis blushes. How does Harry still manage to make him blush after 15 years?

“Thank you, Sun” Louis says, calling Harry by one of Louis’ favorite nicknames for him – because that’s what he is – a ray of sunshine in the cloudiest day. “You don’t look so bad yourself. Your beautiful eyes alone melts my heart. And don’t get me started on that dimpled smile of yours” Louis playfully adds as he wiggles his eyebrows.

Harry smiles shyly and looks down from the camera. Louis is reminded of sixteen-year old Harry and it warms his heart. 

“What are you up to today, Love? Harry asks

“Dunno yet. Just stepping out of the bathroom.” Louis says nonchalantly as he zooms out the camera and shows Harry around the room.

“Ahhh.” Harry doesn’t say more but Louis knows what he’s thinking.

Harry is thinking Louis took another ovulation test. Harry is thinking Louis shouldn’t do so so many times in a day. Harry mentioned it once, after Louis went through a whole box of ovulation sticks in one day, that maybe he shouldn’t check so often. Louis got upset and may have raised his voice and said a few not so nice things and didn’t talk to Harry for the rest of that day. Harry never mentioned it again after that and Louis now tries to not let Harry know when he takes the tests, but it’s not like he can’t see the white strips in the bin or how fast the pharmacy-like inventory of ovulation sticks runs out. 

“I was just about to make a sandwich” Louis says with a smile, changing the topic as he walks down the long hallway and down the stairs, headed for the kitchen. He is hungry, actually. He is hungry all the time now too.

Harry beams when Louis mentions he was about to make a sandwich. “Good. I may have made you a few things to snack on before I left this morning. They’re in the fridge.”

Louis opens the fridge as soon as he reaches the kitchen and his eyes widen at the amount of food Harry made. There were A LOT of sandwiches and a big bowl of salad and bottles of fruit shake, enough for hosting a small dinner party.

“Harry…” Louis started to say. The amount of food was comical.

“I assembled a few sandwiches for you so all you have to do is heat it up. The salad’s already tossed and you can eat it like that or you can add some more dressing, its in the tiny bottle beside the salad container.” Harry points from the phone screen

No one can finish that much food in one afternoon and since the sandwiches were already made and the salad mixed, its not going to last ‘til the next day. Louis thought of telling Harry not to make so much food next time, but Harry looked so proud. Besides, he already has an idea on how to use all the food to ask for what he wants next.

“Thanks, Haz” Louis smiles softly. “I don’t know how to finish this much food though. How much do you think I eat?” Louis is now chuckling.

“Oh.” Harry realizes he might have gone overboard with making so many sandwiches and a bowl of salad good for several people.

“I just thought you might want more food because of you know…” Harry looks around the room he’s in then continues to speak in almost a whisper “…of the pill and all that”

Harry smiles a quiet smile. Louis smiles too, his heart fluttering. They haven’t told anyone they started trying for baby and it’s been their little secret for the past 5 weeks.

“Well, you’re not wrong” Louis says “I think I can finish most of this ‘til dinner…but there might just be enough left over for one more person.” Louis is grinning as he continues “What do you say about coming home and joining me for lunch?” Louis asked, saying out the words slowly.

Harry’s smile widens but the look on Harry’s face quickly and completely changes. “We’re actually probably going for lunch in 10 minutes. I’ll come home then.” Harry’s voice is quiet and controlled. 

“Okay.” Louis says with a quiet smile “I’ll wait for you.” Louis’ voice is full of promise and Louis knows that Harry knows what the promise is.

After his FaceTime with Harry ended, Louis quickly heats a sandwich for Harry and himself. He sets aside Harry’s and eats his quickly and chucks down a bottle of fruit juice. If Harry leaves the studio in 10 minutes, Harry will be home less than half an hour and Louis wants to make sure he has enough time for a thorough shower before Harry arrives. 

Louis hurries back upstairs to their bathroom. He strips out of his clothes and passes by their full-length mirror on the way to the shower. He catches a glimpse of his body. He takes a minute to observe that it’s been a while since he’s seen a bruise on any part of his body, the last ones probably fading a few weeks ago.

Harry and Louis have always alternated between rough, desperate fucking and slow, lanquid sex but since they’ve started trying to get pregnant last month, Louis has noticed Harry now prefers to go with the latter. Louis loves Harry’s sweet and gentle touches but he is beginning to miss Harry pushing him hard against walls and Harry gripping him so tight, that he gets bruises that last days, and Harry pounding into him so forcefully, that he is reminded of it every time he tries to sit down.

Louis’ thoughts make him feel hot and he watches in the mirror as his cock fattens up. He tugs as it a few times before he steps in the shower. He’ll have to wait for Harry.

Louis hears Harry enter their bedroom just as he is stepping out of the shower. Louis is pleasantly surprised that it took Harry just fifteen minutes since they’ve put down the phone to get home.

“Lou?”

“In here” Louis shouts from the bathroom.

“Hey” Harry says softly with a smile, already by the bathroom entrance within a few seconds.

“Hey you” Louis says matching Harry’s soft tone and smile.

Harry slowly walks towards Louis and kisses him on the lips. It’s open-mouthed but slow, gentle, sweet. He pulls on the towel wrapped around Louis’ waist and sees his cock that looks like its about to explode. Harry breaks their kiss and raises an eyebrow at Louis.

“Get with it, Haz” Louis says rolling his eyes “took you long enough to get here”

Harry dives back into Louis’ mouth and without warning, lifts Louis by the back of his thighs. Louis lets out a yelp and giggles, wrapping his thighs around Harry’s waist as he is carried into the bedroom. Harry sits Louis down at the edge of the bed while he remains standing in front of him.

Their playfulness disappears as Louis looks up to meet Harry’s eyes. Louis takes in a deep breath as Harry cups his face, slowly circling his thumbs over his cheeks. Louis closes his eyes and allows himself to melt into Harry’s hands, placing his own hands over his husband’s big warm ones. The way Harry looks at him, the way Harry touches him- it makes Louis feel so loved, so cared for.

“I have to get back to the studio in hour” Harry says quietly.

“Okay” is all Louis says

He starts unbuckling Harry’s belt, unzipping his pants, and freeing his husband’s cock from the restraints of his briefs. Harry’s cock springs out hard. His pants and briefs are still in place as Louis starts licking a stripe from Harry’s base to his tip. Louis keeps his eyes on Harry whose eyes are closed and mouth agape in silent moans. He loves making Harry feel good like this. He licks Harry a few more times before he takes Harry’s tip in his mouth and slowly pushes in Harry’s entire length. Harry moans loudly this time and opens his eyes to watch. Louis feels Harry’s breathe hitch as his tip breaches Louis’ throat.

“Fuck, Lou” Harry says breathlessly as he gently thumbs through Louis’ hair.

Louis keeps his eyes on him as he brings his hands over Harry’s and guides them to tightly fist his hair and Harry tightens his grip on it. When Louis feels a pull on his scalp, he lets go of Harry’s hands and places them on Harry’s ass. He stares into Harry’s eyes, his own watering from feeling Harry in his throat then he starts push and pull Harry’s cheeks, thrusting Harry’s entire length in and out of his mouth.

Between the sensation of Harry tugging forcefully on his hair and Harry’s tip pushing in and out of his throat, Louis gets lost in the rhythm and starts to feel hazy with pleasure. Louis loves this. He’ll do this all day if he can.

“Lou, baby, stop.”

Louis hears Harry’s breathless voice but doesn’t comprehend the words. He continues to push Harry in and out of his mouth.

“Lou…Lou!” Harry tries to use a firmer voice but he’s still breathless, so he tugs hard on Louis’ hair and Louis is brought out of his trance.

“Baby, you gotta stop. You’re gonna make me come, Lou.” Harry’s voice has more control now that Louis’ mouth has stopped.

Louis pulls his mouth off of Harry, takes a few breaths and nods “You…you need to come in me. So…so we can make a baby” Louis states in between heavy breaths, as if still trying to collect his thoughts and trying to remember where he is.

“Yes, Love” Harry smiles and bends down to kiss Louis in the lips. “But, also because I love coming inside you. It’s the only place I wanna come.” Harry says as he breaks their kiss.

“Okay. Okay” Louis says with a smile as he quickly turns himself around and plants his palms and knees on the mattress, raising his ass to meet Harry’s cock

Harry groans at the sight. “What are you doing to me, Lou?”

Louis feels Harry cup his ass cheeks in his big hands as he says this. Louis turns his head around to look at Harry. Aside from his cock, Harry is still fully dressed and something about it turns Louis on even more, something about the thought that Harry went home for a quick fuck.

“Don’t use your fingers today, Haz. I want to REALLY feel you.”

Harry groans some more but doesn’t say anything else. Instead, Louis feels Harry’s hands slowly run over his spine before going back to his cheeks, spreading them apart. Louis buries his face into his folded arms as he waits for Harry to enter him. He hears Harry groan again as Louis feels him inch slowly inside. Louis moans at the same time; he doesn’t mind the tinge of pain in favor of feeling Harry more around his walls. Harry bottoms out with a grunt. Harry thrusts in and out slowly a few times before settling at a steady pace. It feels good but Louis wants more.

“Harder please, Haz” Louis says without lifting his head from his arms. He feels Harry speed up with his request, but after a few thrusts even with the faster pace, Louis still wants more. He knows Harry is trying to be gentle.

Louis raises his head and turns to face Harry. “Haz, I can take it. I promise I can take it. Your hardest please”

Harry instantly complies as he pushes himself inside harder, faster, deeper. Louis now feels himself jerk forward into the bed with Harry’s every thrust, but he is kept in place by big warm hands that are now gripping him tightly by the hips. It sends Louis into overdrive and he is now moaning and cursing loudly.

After a while, Harry’s pace slows down and he pull outs completely. Louis whimpers at the loss but before he can say anything, he feels Harry push him forward into their bed. Up until this point, Harry has been standing at the edge of their bed. Louis feels the mattress dip as Harry kneels down behind him. Harry enters him again then bends forward so that his chest is all over Louis’ back. Harry then wraps one arm around his waist and starts thrusting into him again, resuming the hard and fast rhythm Louis requested for earlier. Louis once again loses himself in pleasure and resumes his moaning and cursing.

It couldn’t feel better than this is Louis last thought before he feels Harry’s other hand wrap around his cock and starts jerking him off.

“Come with me, baby” Harry whispers.

All Louis could do is point is moan louder.

“That’s it baby.” Harry coaxes.

Harry’s mouth is so close to Louis’ ear when he spoke, it sent a shiver down his spine

“Fuck!” Harry curses by his ear. “Lou, I’m close. I’m so close. Come with me, okay?” Harry is breathless again and all Louis could do was nod as he moans.

Louis feels Harry’s thrust become erratic. He knows Harry is close so he lets himself cum in Harry’s hand. He soon hears a long moan from Harry and feels him spill inside him.

Louis is still coming in Harry’s hand when Harry tightens his grip on Louis’ cock. Louis moans in pleasure but has enough sense now and reciprocates by tightening his hole around Harry. Harry lets out one last loud groan.

“So good, baby. You feel so good, Lou” Harry whispers by his ear as they both come down from their orgasms.

They stay as they are for a moment before Harry kisses Louis’ shoulder and eases out of him. Louis winces as they both let their backs crash on the bed.

“You okay, babe?” a panting Harry asks as he turns his face towards a panting Louis.

“Yeah…” Louis says with a soft laugh. “More than okay, Hazza. I’m great” Louis’ smile is so wide.

“Good.” Harry smiles and kisses Louis. “I love you, Lou” Harry kisses his forehead. “So much”

“I love you too, Haz” Louis says, caressing Harry’s face.

Harry falls completely back on the bed and drapes his arm over his head and closes his eyes for a few seconds before forcing himself back to the present.

“I have to be back in the studio in half an hour” Harry says as he checks his watch.

Harry squeezes Louis’s thigh as he stands up and heads to the bathroom. He returns in less than a minute with a damp wash cloth. He sits in the middle of their bed as he wipes Louis’ chest. Harry wipes Louis’ stomach next and places one big hand on it as he looks into Louis’ eyes. Louis covers Harry’s hand with both of his. There’s nothing in there yet, but soon. Harry dips his head to give Louis a long, deep kiss. When they break away from the kiss, Harry moves down Louis body and places a kiss on his tummy. He stays there a while and they are both quiet as Louis plays with Harry’s hair.

“So that’s it then, huh?” Louis breaks the silence “You’re going to just up and leave me after you fuck me senseless?” Louis says jokingly and smirks.

Harry laughs gregariously as he moves upward the bed to be face to face with Louis “Yeah. Thanks for the lunch time booty-call” Harry’s smile is wide

Louis pouts “I don’t want you to leave me, though”

This time Louis was not kidding anymore but he immediately feels bad as soon as he said it. He shouldn’t have said it out loud. He didn’t want Harry to feel guilty for working. It’s not like Harry leaves him for more than a few hours at a time. And there are a lot of things Louis can do to keep himself busy. The thing is, ever since he started his pill, he doesn’t feel like doing anything if it doesn’t involve sleeping or eating or crying and shouting or getting fucked by Harry or having Harry beside him 24/7. And just on cue, he feels hot tears sting his eyes.

“You know…” Harry says with a smile interrupting his thoughts “You could go back with me to the studio if you want”

Louis looks at Harry if he is serious “Really?”

“Of course” Harry chuckles “They all love you there. And I could definitely do with my muse with me”

Harry is now giving him the smile that melts his heart. Louis bites his lip and smiles as he jumps off the bed.

“I’m gonna go get dressed” He says as he runs towards his closet. Harry laughs.


	7. MAYBE I’M BEAT BUT OH WHAT A SWEET SURRENDER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song Sweet Surrender by Bread.

Less than thirty minutes since they were in bed, Harry and Louis pull up into the studio lot. They’ve even had time to pack the sandwiches and salad that Harry made and buy coffee for everyone. This was thanks to Harry moving his sessions to a studio that was just ten minutes from their home; he wants to be as close to Louis as possible when they get pregnant. It was a bit tricky convincing his team and band to transition to the new location without telling them the real reason why, especially since the old studio was a lot nicer, but he somehow worked it out.

As Harry and Louis were unloading the excessive amounts of food from the car, they hear someone call to them.

“Louis! Harry!”

It was Mitch, jogging lightly towards them

“Let me help you with those.” Mitch gestures to salad and coffee in Louis’ hands.

“Oh, thanks mate” Louis smiles as he hands Mitch what he was holding.

“I’m not helping you though” Mitch says with a laugh gesturing to the bags in Harry’s.

“I’m not even surprised by that, man” Harry says chuckling. Mitch takes a couple of bags off Harry’s hands.

“How’ve you been, Mitch?” Louis asks, giving Mitch a hug.

Mitch has been in Harry’s band since almost the very beginning of his solo career, so they met when Harry and Louis were broken up. From Harry’s stories though, he is glad Mitch was around when he wasn’t because he became Harry’s confidante and is a very loyal friend. 

“I’ve been good. Really good.” Mitch says with a smile. 

Louis can see that he really is doing well and that makes Louis happy. He catches Harry’s eye, giving him a knowing look. Mitch used to date Harry’s drummer, Sarah, and they have a son together who should be about four years old now. They broke up almost two years ago, but Harry has been mentioning that Mitch has been dating a girl he’s super secretive about. Harry thinks that the mystery girl is actually Sarah, that they got back together and are keeping it under the radar for now. Louis hopes Harry is right. 

“I’m so happy to hear that, Mitch” Louis says, as they enter the building and walk down a long hallway

“Harry said you have a new girl. Maybe the four of us can have dinner sometime.” Louis gives Mitch a wink and a nudge.

“Yeah…” Mitch smiles softly. Louis recognizes that kind of smile. “I’ll tell her and let you know”

Louis sees Harry’s mouth curve into a small smile which he hides from Mitch.

“How about you? How are you? Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Mitch seemed too eager to change the topic.

“I’ve been good. Been writing a bit.” It was Louis’ turn to be evasive.

Louis’ response is misleading. He has been writing, but mostly just jotting down lyric ideas while at home. He has cut back his already light schedule for the past three weeks because his pill has been making him feel so physically exhausted. He has barely left the house in the past two weeks except to go out with Harry to eat or walk around the shops.

They stop in front of the door of the studio when the door flies open.

“LOUIIIS!” Naomi practically screams as she pulls Louis into a hug. Naomi is in Harry’s band too.

“Louis brought food and coffee.” Mitch announces as he and Harry put down the food and cups of coffee on a nearby table.

“Hey, Louis!” Louis hears Sarah’s soft voice

“Hey, Sarah” Louis lets go of Naomi and pulls Sarah into a hug. “How’ve you been? It’s been a while.”

“Great! Everything’s great”

Louis can tell Sarah feels genuinely good and is now more convinced Harry is right about Sarah and Mitch.

“We’ve missed you though” Sarah adds as she pulls away from Louis’ hug “You haven’t visited since you guys went to New York and…” Sarah narrows her eyes at Louis “…what have you been up to lately…? You look different…”

“What do you mean?” Louis asks, feeling Sarah’s squinted eyes go over him from head to toe.

“I don’t know…” Sarah is still studying him.

“…Maybe it’s your skin…its really clear…like its glowing or something.” Naomi says now with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Yeah, you look really good, Louis.” Sarah adds

“Oh, thank you.” Louis responds nervously “Um…”

“Louis always looks good” Harry says as Louis feels him press behind him “Smells good too” Harry nuzzles his hair. Harry is trying to save him from answering but he still needs to give a believable answer.

“Oh my god, Harry” Naomi rolls her eyes. Sarah rolls her eyes too, but they are all smiling.

“Thanks, guys.” Louis starts “I’ve been on a supplement phase lately…maybe that’s it…?”

“Maybe…” Sarah her interest is piqued by the supplements “Send me a list of what you’ve been taking, I’ll give it a shot.”

“Sure!” Louis sounds almost too relieved. He’ll send Sarah a list, making a mental note to remove anything fertility related.

As soon as Naomi and Sarah leave to get some food, Louis sinks his body into Harry’s.

“It’s true, Love” Harry whispers “You’ve been looking extra stunning, lately”

Harry’s ear is too close to Louis’ ear and Harry’s hot breath on his skin is doing things to him.

Louis turns around to face Harry and it’s his turn to whisper breathily into Harry’s ear “Must be all the lunch time booty calls I’ve been having lately”

Harry purses his lips as he stifles a smile before kissing Louis.

“You’re so gross, Harry!” Tom says, bringing them out of their bubble.

Tom is one of Harry’s producers and a long-time. He is currently opening the food containers Harry and Louis brought and has a mouthful of a sandwich as he continued. “Thanks for the food Lou. You have always been Harry’s BETTER half”

“That is true.” Harry agrees with Louis still locked between his arms. “He is my better half”

Louis rolls his eyes in response but smiles.

The next few minutes went on like this. When everyone got their food, they all settled around the different sets of couches in the room (Louis comfortably perched on Harry’s lap of course) and the theme of the conversation remained to be people commenting on how Louis looks even better now and everyone missing Louis and people joking around that they like him more than Harry because he brings food.

“Hey, I feed you people tons too. Didn’t I just order pizza yesterday?!” Harry responded once but agreed every time people commented that Louis looked good and that he should drop by more often.

The conversation slowly shifts back to music as they discuss the songs they’ve been trying to put together that week when Jeff, Harry’s manager, gets a call.

“You’re going to love me after I tell you about the phone conversation I just had” Jeff announces when he returns five minutes later.

Everyone goes quiet to look at him, but he doesn’t speak right away, opting for a dramatic pause.

“What is it Jeff?” Harry asks

“David Gates finally agreed to a few writing sessions.” Jeff says coolly. The room goes into cheers and Harry does the same, carrying Louis as he stands and spinning him around.

David Gates is the lead of the 70’s band, Bread. Harry has been trying to get a writing session with the reclusive singer for a few years now but was always declined. He always thought it would be a cool session, but it wasn’t really on top of his priorities, so it was okay.

It wasn’t until the start of this year though that he asked Jeff to assertively try and get a session booked. As usual, Jeff pulls a rabbit out of a hat and makes it happen. He cannot wait to collaborate with David Gates, and it was mainly because of Louis.

It was because Bread’s songs have been playing in his head lately whenever he sees Louis. Harry always had some sort of music playing in his head when he catches sight of Louis- this isn’t new - but the type of music constantly changed over the last fifteen years. It was the giddy, excited pop songs they made when they were teenagers, then the sad, pining heartbreak songs for their years apart. It became the hopeful, cruising songs with a rock and roll vibe when they got back together. Lately though, Harry has been hearing the mellow songs of Bread in his head more and more when he sees Louis. Harry thinks it’s because the years have ebbed the all-consuming desperate hunger he’s had for his husband and it has been replaced by soft constant waves of love and affection.

Harry gives Louis another kiss on the temple as Jeff speaks again. 

“David hasn’t lost his creative touch and still very mentally alert” Jeff continues “but given his age, he has a few health conditions. His doctors doesn’t want him travelling long distances if not absolutely necessary. This means, if we want to collaborate with him, we have to go to him. To Oklahoma.” 

Harry pauses and thoughtfully looks at Louis. Flying the whole team to Oklahoma is a small price to pay to work with a legend. They just have to work on a schedule so the whole team can go- maybe for a week or two- so they can make the most of it. His only concern is Louis. He knows Louis has been anxiously waiting for that thin white strip of paper to give them two lines and Harry needs to be there when it does. And depending on when the writing session will happen, they may already be pregnant at the time, so the more he wouldn’t want to leave Louis’ side. Harry can ask him to go to Oklahoma with them, but that means Louis will have to again push his own work schedule to the side which he has already been doing so much lately. He knows how much Louis loves his work and how much he is sacrificing already for them to try to have a baby.

“Oklahoma sounds fun, Haz.” Louis quietly says with a smile beside him, still entangled with him in a hug. He gives Harry that encouraging look he uses whenever Harry is caught up in his worries.

“You think?” Harry asks, searching Louis’ face for any sign of apprehension.

“Yeah. You get to work with David Gates and in between, we’ll make a vacation out of it. Like New York” Louis gives him a smile that melts his heart, but Harry is still worried about Louis pushing back his own work. 

“How about your work, Love?”

“Haz, I write music, I don’t mind a store as a job.” Louis endearingly rolls his eyes as he speaks “I don’t HAVE to be in LA to work. As long, as we have enough time to make arrangements, I’m sure I can work from there too.”

“Okay then.” Harry says as he gives Louis a quick kiss on the lips. Louis then gives Harry a kiss on the cheek that lingers for a few seconds.

“Ehem.” Jeff coughs jokingly and brings them out of their bubble “So, Harry. What do you say about Oklahoma?”

It was only then that Harry and Louis notice that the initial excitement in the room has already faded. Everyone has already fallen quiet- mostly everyone looking like they have been trying stifle a grin from watching Harry and Louis go into their little bubble- except Tom who makes a gagging sound. It doesn’t faze Harry or Louis though. They’ve been getting lost in their own little world in the middle of crowded rooms since they were 16 and 18; they’re used to the myriad of reactions it gets.

“Oklahoma sounds fun” Harry says as he looks around the room to gauge if everyone is okay with the idea. He’s satisfied by the smiles on his team’s faces. 

“One more thing though…” Jeff interjects. “David still keeps a full social calendar. So, before he commits to a week, he wants to meet with you first. You’re invited to his home…tomorrow afternoon until the weekend, if all goes well…” Jeff says.

Jeff sounded apprehensive about sharing that bit but Harry actually thinks it sounds fair, but…Louis.

“You should go, Haz.” Louis says smiling beside him.

“But…” Harry whispers. No one knows they are waiting for those two lines. Louis can’t go with him because he has meetings tomorrow and Friday- meetings he has already rescheduled a couple of times if he remembers correctly. It’ll be bad for Louis’ reputation to push it back again. 

“It’s fine. If it happens while you’re away, it’ll happen again another time.” Louis says quietly. “You should really go, Haz” Louis is smiling at him.

“Okay.” Harry smiles at Louis and takes a deep breathe

“Okay. Book me a flight tomorrow around lunch time” Harry turns to Jeff. Harry wants to spend at least the first half of tomorrow with Louis.

After Jeff’s announcement and subsequent plans have been made, Louis felt the mood in the room change. Where it was relaxed and full of lighthearted banter, it is now buzzing with excitement but there was also a sense of urgency hung in the room. With Harry going away the last two days the week, they had to do as much as they can today.

Louis contentedly sits on a couch that is quietly tucked away in a corner. He busies himself by responding to a few emails and by jotting down ideas for his meetings scheduled in the next two days. Occasionally, he lets his attention wander to Harry who is currently brainstorming with his bandmates and producers. Sometimes he tries to catch Harry’s gaze and whenever he succeeds, Harry winks at him. It turns Louis’ insides into mush. 

When he feels the familiar pull of sleepiness, he doesn’t resist. He has accepted that spending a lot of his time sleeping will be a constant for him in the foreseeable future. Louis lies down on the couch and falls asleep to Harry trying out some lines to a tune he has been humming around the house recently.

The next thing Louis feels is Harry stroking his hair softly and planting a kiss on his head.

“Hey” Harry says softly, greeting him with a smile “How was your nap, baby?”

“Good” Louis can’t help but smile as he opens his eyes and sees Harry crouched down by the sofa. 

“What time is it?” based on how his body aches from sleeping on the couch, he was definitely asleep for a few hours.

“A little past four” Harry answers. Harry

“Oh, you guys done already?” Louis rubs his eyes as sits up.

“Not yet, Love” Harry says softly with a smile while still crouched by the couch and reaching to stroke Louis’ hair.

“Okay.” Louis says sleepily. He rubs his eyes again. He can feel the beginnings of a headache.

“We might have to stay late today since I’ll be gone the rest of the week.”

“Oh, alright.” Louis yawns and leans on the sofa. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just hang out here.” He gives Harry a smile and tries to push the headache away.

Harry sits beside him, and Louis can’t help but to immediately lean his body on Harry. He rests his head on Harry’s shoulder and inhales him in- it soothes his headache a bit.

“I was thinking of asking Jeff to drive you home.” Harry says softly “You’ll be sore sleeping on this couch for longer.”

Louis knows Harry can’t drive him in the middle of a writing session, it’ll ruin the flow then it’ll just take him longer to finish.

“What do you think, Love?” Harry asks when Louis doesn’t respond. 

He doesn’t say anything because Louis doesn’t want to go home alone, but also because he kinda drifts back to sleep. Harry is right though, he will be so sore if he sleeps any longer on the couch.

“Okay.” Louis mumbles

“Okay. I’ll tell Jeff” Harry says kissing his temple. Louis lets Harry go so he can stand up and talk to Jeff.

A few minutes later, Louis finds himself in the parking lot with Jeff.

“So, how’s married life been treating you?” Jeff asked smiling as they walk towards his car.

“Oh, it’s been wonderful…” Louis can’t help but smile remembering it was only 6 months ago they got married. “…Harry’s great.” Louis feels his heart swell. It’s like just the thought of Harry can make his heart race and slow down all at the same time. “But you already know that. He’s always been great. He’s the best.”

He knew Jeff expected an answer somewhere along the same lines, but as he looked at him, he saw that Jeff still had a pleasant surprise on his face.

“That’s great, Louis.” He smiles. “Harry looks blissfully happy too- it’s written all over his face. We couldn’t be happier for you guys.”

“Thanks, Jeff.” Louis thinks he’s about to tear up. “That means a lot.”

And it does mean a lot to Louis to hear Jeff say he is happy for them with so much sincerity in his voice because he wasn’t a big fan of Louis at the beginning. Jeff’s family became friends with Harry’s when Harry and Louis were still in the band but just before Louis and Harry broke up. It was a messy and difficult time and Jeff witnessed how their relationship erupted and crumbled. Even when Louis and Harry got back together, he felt Jeff was still being protective of Harry, not trusting Louis to not hurt him. 

Jeff stops in front of a black sports car and opens the locks with a beep.

“Wow.” Louis said. It was a really pretty car.

“Thanks” Jeff laughs. “Get in.”

As soon as they leave the parking lot, Louis feels his headache take front and center in his head and he rubs his temples. It was as if he could feel every minuscule pebble Jeff’s beautiful sports car drove over; it didn’t feel like Harry’s steady SUV.

“Are you okay?” Jeff asks

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I just woke up with a headache.”

“You want to stop by the pharmacy or something?” Jeff looks at Louis

“Uhh…no. It’ll be fine.” Louis tries to say with a smile “Do you mind if I close my eyes though?”

“Go right ahead.”

Louis closes his eyes and he must have fallen asleep again because the next thing he feels is Jeff nudging his shoulder lightly.

“Louis, we’re here”

“Oh. Sorry. I fell asleep” Louis sits up immediately and unbuckles his seatbelt.

“Yeah, what’s up with that? You pregnant or something?” Jeff chuckles. 

“What? No!” _unfortunately not_ Louis silently adds, but he laughs as he answers Jeff.

Jeff said it as a joke, but Louis could see Jeff was carefully gauging his reaction.

“I’m not pregnant, Jeff” Louis says more seriously this time, trying to be convincing.

“I’m sorry for asking…” Jeff says sincerely “It’s just that… I heard you cut down your writing sessions, pushed everything back the past few weeks then Harry insisted on moving to a studio that is ridiculously close to your house and we haven’t seen you in over a month and the first time we do, Harry is hovering over you, even more than usual. Then you spent so much time sleeping this afternoon… and you have these headaches…” Jeff was starting to ramble.

“It’s okay, Jeff. I don’t mind you asking” Louis smiles softly. If it were anyone else, it would have felt intrusive, but this was Jeff

Harry and Louis kept their work separate and so, they have completely separate teams as well, but it doesn’t surprise Louis that Jeff knows about what’s going on in his career. A good manager keeps tabs on anything that can impact their client’s work. And Jeff was a great manager who was utterly committed to Harry’s career. Above everything else, he is also a very loyal friend. Jeff would probably help Harry hide a dead body if it comes down to it. Louis is happy Harry is surrounded by people like Jeff and Mitch.

“I promise, you will be one of the first people we tell if we’re pregnant.” Louis adds. Jeff doesn’t need to know now that they are trying for baby, especially since they’re not exactly successful.

“Alright.” Jeff seems satisfied.

“Okay.” Louis says “Thanks, Jeff. Take care on your drive back.” Louis says as he steps out of the car.

“Bye, Louis. See you again soon!” Jeff waives 

Louis waits in the driveway until he sees the gate close the gate close. He sends Harry a message that he is home as he walks to the kitchen. Louis heats up one of Harry’s sandwiches and gulps down another bottle of fruit juice. He goes up to their bedroom and starts packing Harry’s suitcase for his trip. After, he makes more notes for his upcoming meetings while watching TV until he eventually falls asleep again.

Louis wakes up with a jolt and runs to the bathroom. He immediately goes for the toilet and throws up. He tastes a bit of the fruit juice mixed with bile and it makes him retch some more. Once he’s done, he stands up and flushes the toilet but then he starts heaving again and he’s back sitting down by the bowl. After a few minutes of this, Louis officially has the worst headache he has ever had. He massages his temples, not wanting to stand up yet in case he needs to throw up some more. The heaving comes back and doesn’t stop even though there is nothing coming out anymore and his stomach hurts like he did a thousand crunches. When it eventually stops, Louis goes back to massaging his temples. 

“Louis! Baby, what happened?” Harry’s panicked voice echoes in the bathroom as he instantly feels Harry sitting beside him on the bathroom floor.

Harry pulls him to his chest and he lets himself completely fall on Harry.

“What happened, Lou?” Harry asks as he strokes Louis’s hair.

“Woke up and threw up” Louis says. His head is still throbbing.

“Do you need to throw up some more?” Harry’s voice is full of worry

“I think I’m done.” Louis is not so sure

“Okay. Let’s get you up then, Love.” Harry says softly.

Harry stands up and gently pulls Louis up with him. He guides Louis to the sink so he can rinse.

“Maybe we should go to the emergency room” Harry says as he pours some mouthwash for Louis.

“I’m tired, Haz. I just want to lie down.” Louis feels like he can sleep for an entire week

“Okay.” Harry whispers as he plants another kiss on his temple “Let’s get you to bed and I’ll call Dr. Garber.” Harrys is now rubbing circles on his lower back. “Do you want me to carry you to bed?”

“I think I can walk.” Barely, Louis thinks but he doesn’t want to worry Harry more. 

“Alright” Harry says as he lets Louis walk back to the bedroom but doesn’t let go of him.

As soon as he is in bed and under covers, he hears Harry on the phone. His head is throbbing too much though to pay attention to the conversation.

“Lou, baby.” Louis hears Harry but he sounds far away. Louis tries his best to concentrate on Harry’s voice.

“Dr. Garber is on the phone. She needs to ask you a few questions. I’ll put her on speaker, okay?” Harry’s voice is soft which he is thankful for; it doesn’t add to his headache.

Louis nods. 

“Hi Louis” Dr. Garber’s voice is calm and soothing

“Hi Dr. Garber”

“Harry told me you were throwing up earlier. How are you feeling?”

“I feel better but I have a terrible headache.”

“I see.” Dr. Garber says “I understand you are tired and don’t want to go to the hospital now, but you might have to. So, I will ask you some questions to determine if you have to go or not. Okay?”

“Okay.”

After what seemed like an eternity to Louis but what was probably just five minutes, Dr. Garber ends her series of questions and goes back to speaking with Harry.

“Baby” Louis hears Harry say his name and he feels a kiss on his head.

“Can you please wake up for me for just a minute.” Harry’s voice is soft.

Louis feels so tired but he tries his best to open his eyes.

“There’s you are- a sight for sore eyes” Harry is smiling.

“Dr. Garber said you need to drink lots of water. And you need to take this for your headache.” Harry says as he helps him sit up on bed.

Louis takes a sip of water and drinks the pill Harry gives him. He drinks the rest of the glass of water and immediately feels a little bit better. Harry pulls him to his chest and leans them against the headboard.

“We don’t have to go to the hospital now. But we’re seeing Dr. Garber in the morning. They’re going to run some tests. Okay?”

“Okay” 

“I’m so sorry you’re sick, baby” Harry’s voice is solemn and he slowly runs his fingers on Louis’ arm.

“It’s not your fault, Haz” Louis raises his head and looks into Harry’s eyes for the first time that night. He tries to smile for Harry, but his head is still pounding. 

“Except it kinda is.” Harry is back to stroking his hair with one hand and rubbing small circles with his other hand. “Baby…”

Louis hears the hesitation in Harry’s voice, like he is measuring his next words very carefully.

“…remember when we were in New York last month…” Harry takes a deep breath. “And I told you I’d still be the happiest person on earth even if it’s just the two of us…?” Harry kisses his forehead. “I meant it...and I still do, nothing has changed. Okay?”

“I know, Haz.” Louis says as he pulls away and puts all his energy to sitting up “but I want this too…with you.” Louis smiles and extends his hand to touch Harry’s face.

“I know, Love…but I hated seeing you feeling so tired all the time and now you’re getting sick...” Harry now has his hands lightly holding Louis’ hips.

Louis hated it more. He’s been feeling so useless lately because all he is now is sleepy and hungry and weepy and clingy but the reminder of why he is enduring all this warms his heart. He would do anything to have a baby with Harry. 

Louis moves and sits on Harry’s thighs. He still feels bit woozy, so he supports himself by planting his palms on Harry’s chest.

“Haz, the last few weeks- I’m not gonna lie, they’re…” Louis huffs

“Well, they’ve been terrible” louis confesses “…but just physically. The rest of it has been wonderful, really.” Louis gives Harry a reassuring smile.

“You’ve been so attentive and thoughtful and sweet, and I can just see you taking care of our baby the way you take care of me.” Louis pauses as he sees Harry’s eyes soften, worry temporarily leaving them.

“And the thought of having a baby who is a little bit of you mixed with a little bit of me…I want that, Haz. I want that for us.” Louis feels weepy now and he sees Harry’s eyes get misty too “And I’ll go through all the tiredness and crying and throwing up and pounding headaches a hundred times over if it means we can have that little one.” Louis feels his chest would explode with the vision of a little Harry running around.

“And you’ll be right beside me through it all, yeah?” Louis smiles at Harry, already knowing the answer.

Harry leans forward and leans his forehead on Louis’ “Of course. You’ll have me beside you- always. It’s where I belong, Lou.”

Louis feels chills in his entire body. How is he this lucky? How is this his life? “See? I know you’ll be beside me so I it’ll be okay and that I can handle being sleepy and hungry and weepy and dizzy…and horny.” Louis tries to lighten up the mood “It‘s not so bad” 

Harry laughs with misty eyes “Not so bad, huh?”

Harry cups Louis’ face and leans forward to crash his lips on his. In that moment, Louis doesn’t feel tired or nauseous or dizzy. He feels great and Harry is perfect and everything is as it should be.


	8. HOLY ORANGE BOTTLES, EACH NIGHT I PRAY TO YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift
> 
> Trigger Warning: This chapter has discussions about difficulties getting pregnant.

“How much longer?” Louis asks. Harry currently has his back at Louis and Louis is trying to peek at what he is doing.

“Stop looking, Lou!” Harry says laughing as he tries to hide his work. “Just another minute.”

After getting sick the night before, Louis woke up earlier than usual that morning feeling so much better. Harry was already out of bed and was probably out on his morning run so Louis decides to surprise him by making breakfast. After brushing his teeth (and taking another ovulation test), Louis goes down to the kitchen only to find Harry already making breakfast.

Harry said it was supposed to be a surprise and made a big deal of not letting Louis see the food until it’s done. By the way it smells though, Louis knows it’s some sort of bread. 

“I’m really hungryy.” Louis pouts “Do you want your husband to starve to death?” Louis adds as he dramatically rests his head on the kitchen island.

“Never” Harry says chuckling as he turns around and sets a plate in front of Louis.

Louis looks up when he hears Harry put the plate down on the island and his eyes go big when he sees really thick pancakes with berries and syrup and powdered sugar.

“Breakfast is served” Harry says as he walks to the opposite side of the island where Louis is seated and kisses his head.

“Thank you, Haz” Louis says looking up to meet Harrys eyes. “This looks really pretty”

Louis digs a fork into the pancake and feels slightly bad ruining how pretty it looked but he was really hungry.

“Oh my god, they taste even better than they look” Louis is now stuffing his mouth with a second bite

“I’m glad you like it, Love” Harry smiles as he moves around the kitchen, tidying up a bit and making himself a green shake. 

“I made a few extras. Let me know if you want some more.”

“Haz...” Louis starts to say in between bites “I love it when you make me food, but you have to make a little bit less. You cook for an entire village.” Louis pauses to look at Harry and make sure he knows that he really appreciates Harry’s food.

Harry grins at him “I just wanted to make sure you had a good breakfast after last night”

“And it’s the best breakfast, Haz.” Louis extends over the counter to give Harry a kiss “Thank you”

“What time do we have to be at Dr. Garber’s? Sorry I was out of it last night” Louis asks as he resumes eating his pancakes. The appointment has been on the back of Louis’ mind.

“8 am, before her first scheduled patient so, we have about an hour”

“Oh okay.” Louis speeds up his eating “How about your flight?”

Harry doesn’t answer right away.

“Haz, what time is your flight?” Louis looks at Harry until he looks at him “You’re still going aren’t you?”

Harry stops disassembling the juicer he just finished using. “It depends.”

“What do you mean it depends?”

“I mean…I called Jeff last night and said you were sick and we’re going to the doctor’s this morning so, my flight is now late afternoon – should be in Oklahoma by dinner time. But still depends if you get sick again today. I’ll cancel the trip completely if needed.”

“Haz…” Louis feels bad now. He knows Harry really wants to work with David Gates “Don’t do that. You don’t have to cancel.”

“Lou, I will cancel my trip if you’re sick. That’s not even up for discussion.” Harry’s voice was firm.

“But I feel better now already, Haz. Must have been the sleeping on the couch, it gave me a headache and Jeff’s pretty car is crazy” Louis says lightheartedly to counter the tension in Harry’s voice. “Besides, I also have that licensing meeting this afternoon.” 

“Um…right. About that…” Harry trails off

Louis stops moving and stares Harry down. It’s his turn to tense up. Harry better not have re-arranged his work schedule.

“Sam messaged you last night to remind you of the meeting today and…I called her and said you were sick and didn’t’ know if you would be well enough today. Sam said no problem, she’ll reschedule to Friday morning since it’s just a licensing meeting and your writing session isn’t scheduled until 11am. She’ll send you an email she said.” Harry spoke unusually fast, like he was trying to get it over with as soon as possible

Oh, okay. It’s more efficient actually, Louis thinks as he opens checks his email on his phone. Sam is his agent. They work efficiently well together, but the relationship is nothing like what Harry has with Jeff.

He could tell Harry is still gauging his reaction. They support each other’s career whole-heatedly, but they do not work together or make work arrangements for each other. They used to work together and that didn’t work out very well - Louis believes no longer working together is one of the reasons they’ve lasted this long this time around so Louis is adamant about observing this particular rule. Harry calling Sam was walking a fine line, but Louis decides to let it go. Honestly, he would have made that call to Sam himself last night if he wasn’t so out of it.

“It’s okay, Haz.” Louis smiles and he could see Harry’s shoulders relax. “Thank you for doing that. I would have called Sam last night myself.”

Louis knows Harry is at ease now, but he still walks over to him and wraps his arms around his waist. Harry is such a worrier and gets carried away with his thoughts sometimes.

“You take such good care of me, Haz.” Louis says as he buries himself in Harry’s chest. He feels big arms wrap around his body and a kiss on his head.

Harry always have had a need to take care of the people around him, even more so with Louis. It overwhelmed Louis at first since he was used to being the one looking out for others as well and also because Harry was like an overflowing fountain of affection. So, Harry tries to restrain himself with smothering Louis and very quickly, Louis has come to love the many little ways Harry takes care of him. 

“Lou…?”

Louis raise just raises his head in response.

“Since we’re talking about phones calls I made last night…”

“Yes…..?” Louis narrows his eyes at Harry

“…I called Sarah last night and told her you were sick and asked her if she can stay with you if I do go to Oklahoma tonight”

“Oh” Louis is surprised

This is new. Louis had been sick before- much more sick- when Harry had to travel. Harry being Harry, he of course worried to no end and would constantly check in on Louis. But Harry has never arranged for someone to stay with Louis. Louis wasn’t that sick now and Harry’s trip is really short. 

“I know it’s a little bit weird that I did that…but you were so sick last night, babe. I just would feel so much better if I knew you had someone we trust staying with you while I’m away – just in case.” Harry looked like he was willing Louis to agree.

He loves Sarah and they’ve been together on trips but this is their home and Louis likes his privacy. He doesn’t really want or need Sarah to stay with him but he finds himself giving in to Harry.

“Okay.” Louis shrugs

“Really?” Harry seems surprise Louis agreed immediately.

“I’m surprised you didn’t fly in your mom” Louis smirks

“I…that was a serious consideration” Harry replies smiling but Louis has a feeling Harry did actually consider it.

At exactly 8:00am Louis and Harry find themselves in the waiting room of Dr. Garber’s office and they hear the doctor’s door open.

“Louis? Are you ready?

“Yes.” Louis says as both he and Harry stands up.

“How are you feeling today, Louis?” Dr. Garber asks as they all take their seats.

“A lot better than last night. I’m not nauseous anymore, I don’t feel tired. I feel great today, actually.”

“Ah, that’s good to hear.” Dr. Garber seems pleasantly surprised.

“I wanted to see you today since your sixth week appointment is next week. We’re supposed to do more tests then, but since you were ill yesterday, I think this is a good opportunity to get it done- make sure everything is okay.”

“Oh great!” Louis says. “Maybe we can also talk about the injections now and start earlier?”

“What?” Harry says in surprise

“We were due to discuss it with Dr. Garber next week, maybe we can discuss it now since we’re doing the lab work that’s supposed to be done next week today.”

“Lou…we said we were going to talk about that first.” Harry’s voice is strained.

“We are! That’s why I said, let’s discuss it today.” Louis is getting frustrated. What is Harry’s problem?

“Lou…I meant we should discuss if we should even start taking the injections” Harry’s voice was now cautious and he tries to reach out for Louis’ hand

“What do you mean?” Louis recoils his hand and he looks at Harry who looks away and doesn’t respond

“Harry, what do you mean?” Louis feels his eyes get wet “We talked about this last night…we said…we said we couldn’t wait to have a baby…”

“Lou, I just don’t want you getting sick. If this is how your body reacts to the pill. Imagine how much more tired and how much sicker you will get if you take something stronger.”

“And I told you I can take it.” Louis is not backing down in this one. “I can take it, I promise.” Louis looks at Dr. Garber.

“Boys” Dr. Garber interrupts and they both bring their attention back to the doctor.

“Harry, Louis is right, we should discuss the next steps and we can do it today” Dr. Garber turns to Louis and smiles. “Louis, the next steps for us right now may not be increasing your dosage.”

Louis’ heart is sinks.

“Louis, when Harry called last night, he told me you’ve been increasingly tired” Dr. Garber looks to Louis for confirmation.

“Yeah. But that’s expected, right? Fatigue is one of the side effects.”

“That’s right Louis. Harry also mentioned that you’ve been sleeping majority of the day and all through the night. He’s concerned your pills are too strong for you.”

“What?!” Louis glares at Harry. “You’ve been discussing MY treatment with MY doctor?”

“Harry’s concern is valid, Louis. Fatigue is one thing, barely being awake for more than a couple of hours every day is another.” Dr. Garber says before Harry could respond.

“It’s not too strong.” Louis turns to Dr. Garber. “If it were, I would be ovulating by now.”

“Louis” Dr. Garber’s voice is calm. “Everyone’s reaction to the pill is different. One possibility is that your extreme sleepiness and getting sick could mean that the change is too sudden for your body.”

“I said I can take it” Louis is aware he sounds like a petulant child but why does Louis feel like he’s the only one who wants this, who is fighting for this? Harry and Dr. Garber are supposed to support this instead of ganging up on him.

No one speaks.

“What are the other possibilities?” Louis asks while avoiding Dr. Garber’s eyes

“What?” Dr Garber seems to have been caught off guard.

“You said my body not being able to handle the pill is one possibility. What are the others?”

“I would like to have your lab test results in hand before I discuss the other possibilities, Louis. We need those to decide on the next step too.” Dr. Garber’s voice is firm.

“For now, just to be on the safe side, I want you to cut your dose in half. Take half a pill same time as before.”

Louis doesn’t say anything but his head snaps to look at Dr. Garber and keeps his lips in a tight line. He does not want to reduce the dosage. If anything, it needs to be increased.

“Louis, if you push your body too far, it will also cause you difficulties in getting pregnant. It is a frustrating step, we may have to try different amounts and combination of medications that will work for you, but we will get there.”

“Okay.” is all Louis says quietly.

“What the fuck was that, Harry?” These are the first words out of Louis’ mouth. His tone was venomous

He didn’t speak to Harry when they left Dr. Garber’s office or when he took the lab tests. He didn’t talk on the drive home. Now, they are sitting in the car in their garage. 

“You said you’ll be by my side on this. You said always. What the fuck was that in Dr. Garber’s office, huh?” Louis looked at him for the first time since they left Dr. Garber’s office. He hasn’t seen that much anger in Louis’ eyes in years.

“I don’t want you killing yourself over this, Louis. I don’t want you killing yourself to get pregnant.” Harry says quietly.

Since they decided to try to have a baby last month, there has been nothing else in the world that Harry has wanted more. He wants a baby with Louis so much. Harry wants a baby, but he needs Louis. Wanting a baby is not worth it if Louis is not okay.

“Oh my god! I am not dying. Harry! I threw up once. I can handle it. Don’t you believe me?! I told you I can handle it!”

“Well, I can’t Louis!” Harry feels so helpless “I can’t watch you get so tired you can barely stay awake for more than two hours. I can’t come home and find you limp by the toilet bowl. It happened once, but if you continue, it will happen more and if we go for the injections, it will get a lot worse. Trust me, I’ve seen how aggressive treatments work.” Harry is reminded of his dad going through treatments and he’ll fight Louis if he has to before he lets that happen to him.

“Guess what, Harry. I’m quite familiar with aggressive treatments too.” Louis sounds wounded.

As soon as Harry hears Louis’ words, he wants to kick himself. Louis’ mom was sick too and hers got worse within months while Harry’s dad’s treatments lasted years. They were broken up when it happened, but Louis must have dealt with more aggressive treatments than Harry ever did. 

Louis is silent for a few minutes. He doesn’t even look at Harry. He looks like he’s staring at a paint can on one of the shelves in the garage. He stares at it forever.

“We’ve been talking about this for 15 years, Haz. And we've been through hell to get to this point” Louis voice is soft when he finally speaks again. “And we’ve only been trying for five weeks- that’s nothing to how long we've wanted this. And I threw up once – that’s nothing to what we've gone through before.”

“I’ve been picturing a baby with curly hair and dimples since I was 18.” Louis said, smiling wistfully but still not looking at him.

“We can’t give up that easy, Haz.” Louis voice is determined but he is looking at Harry now and Louis is looking at him the same way he looks when he is about to tell Harry he loves him. “Please. Let’s not give up so soon. Please, Haz.”

Harry feels so conflicted. When it comes to Louis, especially when he is looking at Harry in that way that makes him catch his breath, the answer has always been yes. But how can he say yes to something that will cause Louis to be physically hurt? Then again, if he says no, Louis will resent him and he will still be hurting on the inside. Harry takes a deep breath.

“Okay.” He reaches out to thumb through Louis’ hair and his heart skips a beat when Louis leans into it. “Okay. Let’s discuss it with Dr Garber next week when we get your lab tests back.”

Louis squeals and crashes his on Harry’s. Harry is surprised but couldn’t resist leaning into the kiss which quickly becomes urgent. Harry breaks it to say something. He needs to say it now before he loses all sense as he always does when Louis starts kissing him like this. 

“Lou, you have to promise that you won’t push yourself too much. If it becomes too much, promise me you’ll say something and hold off the treatments” He wants nothing more than to return to kissing Louis, but he needs to hear Louis promise him this. 

“I promise.” Louis smiles.

Harry smiles. That is all he needs before he resumes the kiss, slowly bringing his lips to Louis’ jaw.

“I know I can take it though, Haz.” Louis sounds breathless but he is still talking about the treatments. “I really can…you have to believe me. You believe me every other time I say I can take it, don’t you?”

Oh. Louis is no longer talking about the treatments. He doesn’t have to look to know Louis has mischievous grin on his face.

“Those are different.” Harry smiles on Louis’ skin. Harry lets his hand wonder to Louis’ inner thigh and he immediately spreads his legs wider. 

Louis’ eyes are now half-closed as he wraps his arms around Harry's neck and moves Harry's mouth to meet his. Their tongues hungrily explore each other. Harry fumbles over Louis' seatbelt and when it comes off, Louis moves to straddle him on the driver's seat, without breaking their kiss. 

Louis reaches to the side of the driver's seat and Harry feels it recline. Harry holds Louis tight to make sure he doesn’t fall, but Louis just laughs when he feels the jolt of the seat going down.

Louis’ then suddenly becomes impatient. He attacks Harry's lips and is clumsily pulling Harry’s shirt off of him. Louis then starts working on the buttons of Harry’s trousers and Harry lets him as he closes his eyes. 

“Owwww” Louis screams as the horn hunks.

Harry’s eyes fly open in panic and he sees Louis giggling but he’s also wincing a bit.

“Shit, Lou. Are you okay?”

Louis stops laughing and looks at Harry sincerely

“I’m fine. Haz” Louis leans forward and kisses him gently. “You have to relax a bit, Sun.” Louis is now trailing kissed on his jaw and is palming his cock over his pants.

“Let me get you to bed, Lou” Harry whispers. He doesn’t want Louis to stop but he is leaving for a few days and he wants to leave Louis with more than a quickie in the car.

“Okay” Louis stops moving and is catching his breath as he gets off Harry and out of the car. 

As soon as Louis gets out of the car though, he starts undressing. Shit, Harry thinks. He’s not sure if they’ll make it to their bedroom. Harry gets out and closes the door shut. He immediately grabs Louis and leans him against the car. Harry keeps his hands firmly against Louis’ hips as Louis pulls him in for a kiss.

“Haz. Please.” Louis whines as he traces his hands from Harry’s chest down to his hips and slides it inside his pants and cups his cock. “Haz, I need you.” Louis’s voice is desperate. “I need you so bad”

He needs Louis now too so Harry grabs him by the back of his thighs. Louis automatically wraps his legs around Harry’s waist and he carries Louis inside the house. As he does, Louis pulls his hair and trails kisses along his jaw and when he reaches Harry’s neck, he starts sucking on the skin. Harry feels his legs get weaker.

“Sweetheart, please stop. I don’t want to drop you” Harry can barely breathe.

Louis raises his head and smiles. He keeps his face in front of Harry’s, and occasionally gives him quick kisses until they reach their bedroom.

He puts Louis down by the edge of the bed and before Harry could do anything else, Louis is removing his boxers, the only thing he had on at this point. He then sits on the bed and slides himself backward until he is resting on the pillows. Louis opens his legs. All this time keeping his eye on Harry. Harry is in a trance. He can’t move; all he can do is stare at Louis.

“Come join me, Haz” Louis says, not tearing his eyes from Harry’s as Louis strokes himself. His eyes close and his head is now leaning back on the pillows as he moans.

Harry runs his hands through his face and his hair and tries to take a deep breath. He quickly removes his pants and tugs on his cock one, two times just to relieve some of the pressure from already being so hard. Of course, he is – one look, one touch from Louis and he’s already there. And now with Louis spread eagled in front of him, touching himself, Harry is about to explode. Louis drives him absolutely insane.

Harry crawls up the bed until he is in between Louis’ legs. For a moment he just sits on his knees in between Louis’ thighs and looks at him. Louis has now stopped touching himself and is just looking at Harry as well. It’s at moments like this when Harry feels his heart is just about to burst. How lucky is he to be here in this moment, to have Louis in his life? Despite the many wrong turns he’s made in earlier years, the gods must really love him to let him have Louis.

“Hi” Louis softly says with a smile, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

“Hi, Love” Harry gives Louis a soft smile back.

“Where’d you go, Hazza?” Louis sometimes asks him that when he gets lost in his thoughts. Louis says that Harry gets lost in his own thoughts often but that he doesn’t mind, he just wants to go with Harry sometimes.

Harry shrugs lightly as he lets his hands that are resting on Louis’ knees slowly travel down his thighs.

“Just thinking about lucky I am” Harry is now ghosting his lips over Louis’ inner thigh. From the corner of his eye, he sees Louis clutch at the sheets and he smiles knowing he has that effect on Louis.

He reaches the apex of Louis’s thighs and looks up at Louis. His chest is heaving heavily but his eyes are still soft, looking into Harry’s.

“that someone up there really likes me to give me you” Harry whispers

Harry continues to tease Louis by ghosting his lips over Louis’ length. When he reaches the tip, he gives it a light kiss. He feels Louis hips buckle and Harry presses it firmly down on the mattress with both his hands. He circles his thumbs on Louis’ stomach as he gives it soft kisses. He finds himself there often now, the thought Louis growing their baby in it makes Harry’s heart swell.

He feels Louis lightly tugging on his hair so he looks up and sees Louis is already getting lost in desperation. He smiles at the sight and as travels up Louis’ body. His hands let go of Louis’ hips in favor caressing the sides of his torso upward. Louis’ body is now starting to feel soft where there used to be hard muscle. He feels excited at the thought that Louis’ body is getting ready for their baby.

Harry is now hovering over Louis’ chest and he sucks on a nipple. Louis lets out a gasp and Harry couldn’t tell if he hurt Louis or if Louis likes it, so he looks up.

“Are you okay, babe?”

“Um…yeah. It’s fine.” Louis was trying to speak in between his deep breaths. “It just feels a bit tender.” Louis seemed lost again after that as he grabs Harry’s nape and pushes him on his nipple again. Harry goes back to working on it but softly licks on it this time to make sure he doesn’t hurt Louis.

“Haz..please…” he feels Louis start writhing underneath him.

Harry raises his himself and finally reaches Louis’ lips. He nips on Louis’ bottom lip and tries to deepen the kiss but Louis’ attempts at reciprocating his kisses are messy. His mouth is open in a moan as he keeps thrusting his hips upward to Harry’s.

“Hazza…” Louis moans out his name and it’s dizzying.

Harry props himself up and grabs both their cocks in one hand and starts stroking them slowly. Louis starts cursing and moaning. Harry tightens his grip on their cocks and Louis’ moans get louder, his neck is strained upward while his head is pushing against the pillows surrounded by a halo of his hair. Louis eyes are half-open, but Harry can’t see his pupils and he is currently biting hard on his lower lip. Louis looks and sounds so intoxicating; Harry wants more of Louis like this and he has an idea how to get it.

Harry lets go of their cocks and sits himself back down in between Louis’ thighs and before Louis can whimper at the loss, he spreads apart Louis’ legs which are now bent on the knees and he starts sucking on Louis’ inner thighs. Louis moans get even louder and he feels hard tugs on his hair; Harry smiles to himself. Harry takes his time sucking bruises into Louis’ skin but makes sure he keeps a strong hold on Louis’ thighs.

Harry has moved to Louis’ other thigh and is busy bruising it when he realizes that the constant moaning has stopped. Before he can look up, he loses grip of Louis. The next thing he knows, Louis is pushing him backward and down so that his head is by the foot of the bed.

“I’ve had just about enough of your teasing, Harry Styles.” Louis says as he straddles him and grins. 

Harry chuckles in surprise and lets Louis do as he pleases. He watches Louis line himself up on Harry’s cock. He hasn’t been prepped yet, but Louis has seemed to have lost patience for that lately.

Harry supports Louis up by holding him by the waist as Louis slowly glides down Harry. Louis hisses as he does. Louis, not having been prepped, is unusually tight and it makes Harry groan out loud.

“Shit. You’re so tight, baby.” Harry manages to say as Louis’ cheeks are now flushed against his balls.

Louis is no longer responding but is bouncing up and down Harry’s cock. Harry watches Louis with hooded eyes, hands still on his waist. Louis feels so good.

After a few minutes, Louis rests his hands on Harry’s chest and goes slower. Louis tries to speed it up again a few times but Harry could tell Louis is getting tired. 

“C’mere, baby.” Harry pulls Louis to his chest and he nuzzles into Harry’s neck.

“Are you okay, Love?” Harry asks as he strokes Louis’ hair.

Louis just nods in response in between shallow breathes.

“Do you still want to?” Harry’s cock is painfully hard inside Louis right now, but they will stop if Louis can’t take anymore. 

Louis nods again.

“Okay” Harry kisses his temple before he wraps his arms tightly around Louis and he starts thrusting upward.

Louis still has his head buried in Harry’s neck and his hands are tightly clutching Harry’s hair as he grunts every time Harry thrusts upward. When Louis’ grunts slowly turn into long moans and when Harry feels Louis’ thighs start to shake, he knows Louis is close.

“Lou, baby, look at me” Harry whispers in Louis’ ear.

“Look at me, Lou. I want to see you come”

Louis moans louder but does as Harry tells him. Louis raises his head and shifts so they are face to face. Louis crashes his lips on Harry’s but not too long later, they are both open-mouthed, breathing into each other.

Harry thumbs through Louis’ hair “You’re so gorgeous, Lou”

Louis tries to smile but and say something but then he suddenly throws his head backward and lets out a loud moan while clutching Harry’s hair tighter. Harry feels Louis’ cum gush between their bodies.

The sight, the sound, the feel of Louis at that moment is more than Harry can take. With a few more thrusts, he explodes inside Louis and holds on to him tighter.

Louis is back nuzzling in his neck, this time quiet and not moving but breathing heavily.

“I love you, Lou.” Harry whispers. Louis doesn’t say anything, but he feels him smile against his skin.

Louis wakes up and immediately notices that light has started to fade outside. He immediately reaches for the other side of the bed and when he doesn’t feel Harry, Louis knows he missed him leaving for the airport. Louis sighs to himself.

Louis has been cleaned and in fresh boxers. Harry must have dressed him. Louis sits up on the bed and reaches for his phone. A note is stuck underneath and he can’t help but smile as he reads through it.

_Lou,_

_Hope you slept well, Love._

_Sorry I didn’t say goodbye before leaving, I didn’t want to wake you._

_I'll be back Saturday afternoon. Miss you already._

_Love Always, Haz_

_P.S. Sarah, Dylan, and Mitch are downstairs already._ _They’re all staying over until Saturday. Don’t go down naked. = )_

Louis opens his bedside drawer and carefully tucks the note inside a box filled with the rest of Harry’s handwritten notes he’s left for Louis over the years. Handwritten notes is just another reason why Harry is perfect.

He checks his phone for the time. It’s already 6pm; he slept through another day. He skips pass through some unread messages and types a message for Harry.

_I love you, Haz. Come home soon x_

Louis stands up to use the bathroom. As usual, he takes a strip of the thin white sheet. He places it on top of the counter and goes through his phone while he waits. He freezes when he sees a reminder. It’s for his pill; he forgot to take his pill on time. Louis grabs the bottle and pops one in his mouth; he swallows it without water.

Shit, he thinks. He’s supposed to take just half a pill starting today. Louis is getting more frustrated with himself by the minute.

He grabs the pill cutter from the shelf and grabs his pill bottle again. He’s going to cut all the remaining pills so he doesn’t accidentally take a whole one next time. As he does, he stares at the orange translucent bottle he is clutching in his hand. It’s nearly empty now, just 9 pills left. Louis hopes his hope doesn’t run out before the pills do.

“You got to give me something” he mumbles to the pill bottle under his breath.

Louis is brought out of his thoughts with the timer on his phone going off. That’s two minutes. Louis takes a deep breath before looking back at the thin white strip – negative. 


	9. I FOUND MYSELF BLINDSIDED BY A FEELING THAT I'VE NEVER KNOWN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: a lot of angst over not being able to have a baby
> 
> Chapter title from Malibu Nights by LANY

Louis hears cartoons on the TV in the kitchen lounge before he sees anyone. As he turns the corner, he doesn’t see Dylan but he sees Sarah and Mitch by the island, having a quiet discussion while putting some food away. Louis smiles to himself; they’re standing too close to each other for a couple who has broken up.

“There he is!” Mitch was the first one to see him.

“Hi guys” Louis says as he walks towards the two. He hugs Sarah first.

“Hi Louis” Sarah says returning the hug. “Hey, are you hungry?”

Louis thought for a second and yes, in fact, he is hungry.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. I see you already ate.”

“Sorry about that, Lou. We had no idea what time you would wake up and the little guy was hungry.” Sarah said sheepishly.

At the mention of Dylan, Louis automatically searches the room for Sarah and Mitch’s son but he finds himself stopping. He’s such a smart and cool kid and Louis usually can’t wait to spend time with him whenever he’s around, but not tonight. He finds himself trying to avoid the topic of children if he can. Too late though as he spots Dylan sprawled on the carpet and focused on the TV. Louis immediately averts his eyes. He instead focuses his attention on Sarah who he could tell felt awkward about eating ahead of him while in his and Harry’s home.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. My sleep schedule is crazy so please don’t wait for me for meals. And I can’t thank you enough for staying with me at such short notice. While you guys are here, please feel at home.” Louis says softly and sincerely.

“Now, I’d just make something quick for myself.” Louis starts to motion towards the fridge but Mitch suddenly stops him 

“No way, Louis!” Mitch suddenly says louder than his usual voice. “We’re under strict orders to feed you. Harry made some meals for you until Saturday. So please take a seat and I’ll heat up some of it. It’ll be ready in a few” Mitch explains as he leads Louis to sit on one of the stools on the kitchen island.

“Oh okay.” Louis says calmly but feels awkward about this.

Harry has always enjoyed cooking for him but since they’ve started trying for a baby, Harry’s cooking has reached a frenzied level. He cooks all the time for Louis now and makes so much. Louis himself is still getting used to it. He’s hoping Sarah and Mitch won’t find it too weird.

“What’d Harry make for dinner?” Louis adds trying to make it sound normal.

“Some expensive looking steak and baby potatoes in some sort of oil and it has some herbs on it and…I think this pumpkin soup” Mitch answers as he stares at the food in plastic containers and gets ready to heat them in the microwave.

“I see.” Louis suddenly can’t wait to have some. “Is that what you guys had as well?” Louis hopes this is one of those times that Harry cooked excessive amounts. It’d be awkward if he only prepared meals for Louis.”

“Well, there’s certainly enough for all of us but we had chicken nuggets for dinner.” Sarah answers for Mitch. “Fancy steak is not impressive enough for Dylan.” Sarah adds with a laugh.

“Ah.” Louis responds quietly and tries to smile but he looks down to avoid his eyes going to the little boy. Louis feels guilty about it but he hadn’t expected to feel hurt every time he sees Dylan. It reminds him of what he wants most and can’t have.

“Dinner is served” Mitch says theatrically as he places a plate with two big steaks and a lot of potatoes and a big bowl of pumpkin soup. He would say it’s a lot but he feels like he’ll be able to finish everything.

“Oh. Wow. Thanks Mitch” Louis says with a smile as he begins to dig in and takes big bites of the steak. He feels like he has to actively tell himself not to drool over it. 

Just then Mitch places a bottle of homemade fruit juice beside his plate “The boss said make sure you drink this so you have your daily serving of fruit since you hate eating them”

“Thanks Mitch” Louis says shyly this time. This is a bit embarrassing, being fussed over by Mitch and Sarah under Harry’s orders.

“Thank you again guys for spending some time with me. I hope I’m not keeping you from anything. I know Harry roped you into staying with me until Saturday, but I’m feeling better and I’d be in meetings tomorrow anyway so, if you guys have to go at anytime…”

“Don’t be silly, Louis.” Mitch says more seriously this time. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like we feel obligated to be here. I’m just trying to be funny.”

“When Harry said you were sick, we were worried and we volunteered to stay with you while he was away. So it’s not a bother at all Louis.” Sarah adds with a smile.

“How are you by the way? Harry said you went to the doctor this morning”

“Oh. I had some tests earlier and we won’t get the results til Monday but it’s probably just a bug or something” Louis tries his best to keep his voice calm and even while he keeps on eating. 

Just then Dylan appears on the side of Sarah, stuffed bunny in hand and tugging on the hem of her shirt.

“Hi baby” Sarah turns her attention to her four-year old son and picks him up with a smile. “Are you sleepy sweetheart?”

The moment is just too heartbreaking for Louis so he focuses on the potatoes on his plate and tries to take bites of it.

“How about Daddy help you into your pajamas and tell you a story?” Louis hears Sarah coo at Dylan as she hands him over to Mitch.

A minute later it’s just Sarah and Louis in the kitchen.

“Louis…are you okay?” Sarah asks

Louis looks up from his food “Yeah, I mean we won’t know exactly what it is til Monday but its likely just a bug. It’s probably gone too since I’m feeling better” Louis repeats his practiced answer from earlier and adds a smile for good measure

“Okay…” Sarah says and continues cautiously “…It’s just that…when Harry called he sounded- he sounded really freaked out, Louis. He sounded freaked out but was trying not to be, you know?”

“That’s just Harry being Harry.” Louis says with a smile. “He worries a lot”

“So, its nothing serious? You’re not super sick or anything?”

“I’m not sick like that, Sarah.” Louis offers a genuine smile. At last, something he doesn’t have to lie about.

“Okay” Sarah smiles wide, satisfied with Louis’ response.

With that, Louis continues to eat (more like devour) his food and starts to pay attention to his soup.

“Do you want some sour cream for your pumpkin soup, Louis? I thought I saw some earlier in your fridge.” Sarah says as she walks towards the fridge.

Louis was about to say yes, he would very much want some sour cream when he felt the familiar churn in his stomach that meant he was about to puke his guts out. He makes a dash for the powder room just off the kitchen and almost misses the toilet as he begins to retch. Sarah is immediately by his side and his gently patting him on the back.

They stay like this for about ten minutes until his heaving stops. Louis feels exhausted and lets his body collapse against the wall as both he and Sarah are sat on the floor.

“Louis, do you get sick like this often?” Sarah asks after a few minutes of silence.

“Yesterday was the first time actually. It was a bit worse than this one. Harry found me by the toilet in our bathroom when he got home. That’s probably why he sounded so freaked out when he called”

“And you said you’re sleep schedule has been crazy? Like you’ve been sleeping all the time?”

“Yeah.” Louis is too tired to say more. He leans his head on the wall and closes his eyes.

“Louis…have you considered that maybe you’re…pregnant?” Sarah asks very carefully.

At the mention of being pregnant, Louis’ eyes fly open. He turns to face Sarah but can’t find the words to respond. How do you say _I wish I were pregnant and give my husband a baby but my body isn’t doing its job_ , without crying hysterically?

“Louis….are you? Is that why you feel sick? Is everything okay with the ba-“

“I’m not pregnant, Sarah.” Louis says dejectedly while he keeps his eyes on the floor tiles.

“But you want to be?” Sarah asks, trying to piece together what she knows and trying to encourage a conversation she feels might be good for Louis.

“I had to practically beg and negotiate with Harry to try and get pregnant” Louis recognizes a tinge of anger in his voice and he’s surprised. This is not Harry’s fault but why is he making it sound like it is?

“Harry doesn’t want kids?” Sarah sounds surprised “I mean… he goes crazy when we bring Dylan around and he’s the same with any other kid within a mile… And hopelessly in love and devoted to you seems to be an understatement. I just thought he would want to have kids –“

“No. You’re right. Harry wants kids. It’s not him. That’s why we have this big house- the moment he saw that weird crooked tree at the backyard he got teary eyed and said he could imagine our kids playing there.” Louis smiles at the memory but its colored with sadness now.

“That’s also why he suddenly moved you guys to that dingy studio. We’re trying to get pregnant and he wants to be close as possible when that happens…” Louis says as he tries to control the quivering of his lips but it hurts how much he wants to have a baby and it hurts him even more knowing Harry wants it just as much and Louis can’t give it to him.

Sarah doesn’t speak but she moves so she can envelope Louis in a tight hug. Louis lets Sarah’s warmth comfort him and he takes a deep breath before he continues.

“I can’t get pregnant.” Louis says with a heavy breath and runs his hands through his hair as he tries to control the tears that he knew were coming

He said it. Louis has finally said out loud the thing he couldn’t. He could be petulant with his doctor. He could fight with Harry about the treatments. But he has never said out loud the reason why that was all necessary.

“It’s me, Sarah. Something is…” The tears fall and it feels like he can’t breathe but he has to say it. He has to say it now or he will go crazy.

“…Something is wrong with me.” Louis words come out more like a wail this time and Louis doesn’t even try to control it anymore.

“It’s okay, Lou. Let it out.” Louis hears Sarah say as she tightens her hug on Louis. Louis lets his tears fall and as his chest heaves.

“I can’t give Harry a baby” Louis whispers. Louis wants a baby so much but now it seems he’ll have to figure out how to live without one. Maybe he’ll learn to live with that but it breaks his heart thinking Harry will have to live with it too.

Louis doesn’t know how long Sarah was hugging her on the bathroom floor but after some time, Sarah silently guides him up to his and Harry’s bedroom and helps him gargle off the taste of vomit from his mouth and helps him get into bed.

“Sarah…?” Louis says as Sarah tucks him in. Louis is so tired again, his eyes are already half-closed and he only has a vague idea of where Sarah is sitting on the bed but he has to ask Sarah a big favor. 

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Harry” Louis meets Sarah’s eyes to beg her to keep this from Harry.

Louis does feels lighter now, sharing with Sarah, but now he’s worried Harry will know how fragile he feels. He wants to show Harry he’s strong, that he can take it, like he claims. He needs Harry to believe he is strong, or he might take back agreeing to the more aggressive treatments. 

“Okay” Sarah’s voice was quiet but it was firm, like she was determined to keep Louis’ weakness a secret. It’s enough for Louis to trust she won’t tell Harry and he drifts to sleep.


	10. WHEN YOU'RE LOST, I'LL FIND A WAY AND I'LL BE YOUR LIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry leaves for Tulsa but can't leave his worries about Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is about two days late. I'm so sorry. I was distracted by other stories worming its way into my brain and had to get those out first. 
> 
> chapter title is from Home by One Direction

Harry wakes up and grabs his phone to check the time. He lets out a sigh when he sees it though. It’s early. Too early. He’s used to late nights and early mornings since he was sixteen but 3:30 am is too early, even for him.

His fingers automatically go to the Louis’ name but he remembers that if it’s early in Tulsa, it’s even earlier in LA and Louis needs his rest. Harry sighs and settles for reading Louis’ latest message to him. 

_I love you, Haz. Come home soon x_

He smiles at the message. He hasn’t replied yet, scared he would disrupt Louis’ sleep. Louis sent it while Harry was around mid-flight but he was not able to read it until the plane has landed and by then, Harry was sure that Louis had most likely gone back to sleep. He settled with calling Mitch who confirmed that Louis had indeed gone back to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, Harry considers trying to go back to it but it’s been a fitful four or so hours of sleep so far. He doubts trying to add more hours in would help in making him feel rested.

Harry sits up on the bed with a sigh and rubs his hands all over his face. It’s been ages since he’s had trouble with his sleep. Sure, he still has days when he barely sleeps but that’s just because of the demands of a tight schedule. Not being able to sleep because something is weighing heavy on his mind though, it’s been years. And right now, he cannot sleep because all he can think about is Louis’ distress, both physically and emotionally, and Harry feels helpless.

He and Louis will have to figure out how to navigate their current situation. They will have to sit down and talk about it without screaming at each other. First though, they both have to make it through the weekend, until Monday, when Louis’ lab results come in, then they can talk. 

Harry flicks open the light by the bed and for the first time, takes in the unfamiliar room. It reminds him of his granddad’s home with the heavy wood furniture and drapes and framed sepia-toned portrats on the wall. 

David Gates is hosting him and Harry is currently staying in a guest room in his house. He hasn’t met David yet though. Given his late afternoon three-hour flight and the time difference between Tulsa and LA, it was almost 11pm when he rang his future collaborator’s (hopefully) doorbell. David was already asleep and Harry was greeted by a middle-aged woman who introduced herself as the housekeeper. He was told, as he was led up to the guest room, that David sleeps early but wakes up quite early too and has a cup of coffee in the kitchen around 5 am.

He’d like to join David for coffee when he wakes up in a little bit but for now, he needs to do something with the restless energy so he starts doing crunches by the window. He gets to about a hundred when he switches to doing push ups. He does forty-three of those before he’s gripping the windowsill, feeling if it can hold his weight for pull-ups. Harry does a few sets of these and by the 5th one, an hour has passed.

After a hot shower and putting on a sweater and some joggers, Harry heads down to the kitchen. It’s still a quarter before five but he hopes it’s not too early to be moving about his host’s kitchen. The housekeeper gave him a quick tour of the kitchen before he was led up to the guest room last night (I won’t be back til 7am tomorrow so help yourself to some coffee and toast if you get up earlier than Mr. Gates, she said) so even though the kitchen was still dark, he was able to find his way to the Keurig and then he shuffles through the selection of pods in the drawer.

“I would’ve have taken you for a tea person” The voice was low and a little hoarse and almost gave Harry a fright.

Harry spins around to find a silhouetted figure sat at the eat-in nook by the window.

“You know, you being British and all” the voice continues

“Mr. Gates, thank you for welcoming me into your home. I really appreciate it” Harry says as he walks towards the man.

The man who spoke has not introduced himself but Harry is 99% sure that he was speaking with David Gates.

“Your manager, Jeff. He’s a sweet talker and he sells you very well. Make sure you keep him.” The man says.

Harry is now stood right in front of the man. Now that he can see his face, he knows that he is in fact talking to David Gates.

“And please, call me David” The man stands up from his seat and extends his hand to Harry.

“Thank you, David. I’m Harry.” He shakes David Gates’ hand and flashes him his best dimpled smile. David looks like someone he would get along with, but he still has to make sure he wins him over.

David has all-white hair and deep wrinkles around his eyes but he looks strong and quick for his eighty-five years of age. He has his own kind smile as well.

David walks towards the glass doors looking out into the backyard. Harry follows him and they both just look at the trees along the property line. It looks nothing like his and Louis’ home in LA but somehow, looking out to someone else’s backyard reminds him of Louis. _How is he? Did he get sick again last night? Harry hopes not._

“I have to apologize I wasn’t able to welcome you myself last night. I was planning on taking you out to dinner but your new arrival time was a bit past my bedtime” David gives him a tentative look and laughs.

Harry lets out a chuckle as well “Yeah, no problem at all. I had to take a later flight than planned- family emergency. Thank YOU for making some time for me.”

David just nods. “Jeff did call, mentioned something about your wife getting sick. Hope she’s alright”

Harry freezes. Did Jeff tell David he was married to a woman? He doubts it.

“Husband.” Harry says resolutely.

“Excuse me?” David has a confused look on his face.

“Husband. It was my husband who was sick.”

“Oh.” David says as he takes a sip from his cup.

Harry is listening intently to what the older man might say next. If this guy has anything bad to say about his relationship- his marriage- with Louis. He is walking out the door. He’s done with people like that- been done with it for about a decade now; he’s not about to let it back into their lives.

“How is he then? Doing better I would guess, since you’re here.” He looks at David and sees the same kind eyes and the same kind smile he had earlier.

“Yes. He’s better. Thank you for asking.” Harry feels himself relax and is now smiling again.

Just then, they here the front door open and seconds later, footsteps toward the kitchen.

“Dad?”

Harry turns around just in time to see a smaller man with gray hair, maybe in his fifties, come in while fiddling with the buttons of his coat.

The man looks up and looks surprised to see another man in the kitchen with his dad. He stops for a second but then just proceeds to do whatever he’s doing while ignoring Harry.

“Robert! You’re early.’ David says with a soft smile.

“Well, I have surgery at 8am so I have to drop by earlier today.” The man says distractedly as he opens drawers and brings out what seems to be bottles of medicine and a few other things. 

“Oh. I see” David says a little bit more quieter. “Robert, this is my friend from LA, Harry. He’s a musician.”

Robert looks up to look at Harry but doesn’t smile then goes back to opening the pill bottles.

”That’s nice dad. Hi Harry.” Robert says flatly.

“Harry, this is one of my sons, Robert. He’s a surgeon at the nice hospital just 10 minutes out. You might have seen it on the way from the airport.” David was proud of his son, Harry could tell.

“Nice to meet you Robert.” Harry nods and smiles the same smile he gave David earlier, but he has a feeling he won’t win Robert over anytime soon.

Robert approaches them with a small dish with different colored pills and a glass of water. He holds the dish as David takes one pill at a time and gulps them down with water. It’s a practiced routine, Harry notes.

“Robert…” David starts

“Yes, dad?”

“Uh…I was at the mall yesterday and I saw one of those coffee machine things with the little plastic containers. I got one and thought…maybe you’d want to have your morning coffee here instead of at the hospital…”

After swallowing the last pill, he walks towards the Keurig and opens the drawer with the pods.

“Look. Rosie set it up yesterday. I’m sure we can figure out how to put this in” David says as he holds a pod in his hand.

Harry is about to walk over to help David put the pod in but Robert is already putting his coat back on and already halfway out the kitchen.

“Maybe next time dad.” In a flash, Robert was gone and they hear the front door open then the engine of a car go on.

“Well, that’s how you know you’re old…when your own children are grumpy senior citizens” David says with a laugh.

Harry smiles but he can’t help but feel bad for David.

After Robert left, Harry offers to make scrambled eggs (the way Louis likes it just because) for breakfast and they continue to talk while Harry cooked. Both men are happy to learn that, aside from music, there are also a lot of parallels in their lives. David met his wife of sixty something years around the same age Louis and Harry did. The constant pressure of being a famous singer, even back then, almost led to them separating and that’s when David decided to take a big step away from the limelight. Harry disputes this similarity saying that he and Louis did actually break up.

“I think it’s wonderful how you found your way back to each other” David argued and Harry had to agree.

After breakfast, David and Harry walk around the neighborhood before settling on a bench in the nearby park. They discuss music mostly. They talk about their influences, their style, and they exchange war stories of performing on stage, both of them surprised how similar their experiences were even though they were decades apart. 

Before they know it, it’s lunchtime and so make their way back to the house. Along the way, David points out the historic houses and give a brief history on each. It’s a peaceful neighborhood, Harry can see himself and Louis moving to somewhere like this when they get to David’s age.

Speaking of Louis, Harry is feeling a bit anxious because he has not heard from him. He tries to calm his thoughts. Maybe Louis is just busy, it’s his first day doing any kind of work in weeks, afterall. He messages Mitch who said he just missed Louis; Sam, Louis’ agent, just picked him up for his meetings. Harry also sends a quick message to Sam, that way he can reach Louis without disrupting his meetings.

“Is everything alright, Harry?” David asks

“I can’t reach Louis is all. I haven’t spoken to him since yesterday morning.”.

“Surely, you have gone more than 24 hours without speaking before.”

“Of course.” Harry said distractedly. He’s staring at his phone as he walks. 

“it’s….” Harry runs his fingers through his hair. It’s not the hours that bothers Harry. It’s that they have this big thing that is stressing out both of them and they haven’t spoken properly about it yet.

“Lou and I….” Harry tries to find the words. “Lou and I are…we’re trying for a baby, but it’s not going well.” There. He’s said it. To a practical stranger no less. “That’s why he got sick, the medication…and I’m…of course I want a baby with Lou, but I don’t want him feeling sick because of it. I told him I think we should stop trying.”

“And Louis didn’t like that, I bet.” David says quietly, hands in his pocket.

“No. Not at all. We had a huge fight about it. We made up before I left…I think.” 

Harry was pretty sure that Louis moaning and begging him in bed before he left meant they made up. But now that Louis hasn’t reached out the whole day, he’s not so sure. He is lost in his thoughts as he recalls Louis screaming at him at the car and then of Louis in bed afterwards, trying to think of any detail he might have missed that indicated Louis was still upset with him.

“So he’s a 2 then? Louis?” he hears David ask him.

“Excuse me?”

“Louis. if you guys are trying to get pregnant, that makes him an MPC and if he’s taking medication for it, that makes him an MPC-2, right?” David clarifies his question.

Harry is surprised. MPC was not typically discussed by older generations. As far as he knows, it was not discussed in schools until sometime in the 90s. You don’t find people of David’s age knowing much about it.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Harry says knowing that the look of surprise is all over his face.

David looks to the ground and smiles quietly before speaking again. “Robert, my son. He’s an MPC.”

Harry is quiet as he absorbs this information. “Did he…does he?” Harry tries to ask, not sure about the boundaries for this conversation.

David shakes his head softly. “No, Robert doesn’t have kids.” David sounds almost sad.

“He wasn’t always like that you know. Robert.” David was obviously referring to this morning. “He had the loudest laugh and his eyes would dance when he did. He was…happy.”

“He brought around a bloke a lot when he was still in med school.” David continues “He said he was his best friend but I wasn’t blind. I knew they were more. And I’m pretty sure they discussed kids.”

“What happened?” Harry couldn’t help but ask when David was quiet for a long time.

“At the end, I think they decided against having kids…It was a different time back then. Their kids would be mocked, he would’ve probably been denied his medical license. They stayed together though. Robert brought him around til he died in a car accident in the 90s. He was not the same after.”

“And I thought…” David’s eyes were now wet, obviously trying to push back tears. “I was never against them, you know – but I never showed him any support neither. I knew he needed it, wanted it, but I thought him coming out like that would make his life difficult. So we just never talked about the fact that he had a boyfriend or that he was an MPC and that he probably wanted children. I just let them…hide.”

“I keep thinking that if I just told him I loved him and supported him, maybe he would’ve had the courage to have children. Maybe now he would still be somehow…happy.”

Harry was overwhelmed with what David has shared. He feels sad for Robert, for David. Harry wouldn’t be able to take it if he lost Louis, he can’t imagine what it would do to him if up until now, he and Louis were closeted. He hugs David in the middle of the sidewalk. He feels for him.

“I’ve read up a lot on MPCs, wanting to understand Robert more. I know you don’t want to see Louis hurt physically but most MPCs are hardwired to want kids, even more than women, I think.” David says “Give Louis some space. He needs time to process his feelings on his own. And hovering is tiring, so you probably need some rest too.”

“Okay.” Harry says and he pockets his phone. He will let Louis have some space.

Harry tries to keep his conversation with David in mind. This is extremely stressful for Louis. Harry needs to support him, but Louis also needs space. Louis needs space to think and process his feelings. So, Harry tries to just wait and let Louis reach out to him when he is ready. It’s only one day. They can talk Saturday. Harry really tries but by dinner time, he feels like he is going crazy.

“Excuse me, I have to make some calls” Harry says to David who is flipping steaks on the indoor grill.

“Alright” David says with a knowing smile.

Harry calls Louis as he enters David’s living room. No answer. He tries again. Again, no answer. He is about to call Mitch when his phone rings, it’s Sam.

“Hi Harry!” Sam chirps “Sorry, I wasn’t able to get back to you. I had a busy day. Did you need anything? Is Louis alright?”

Harry panics. Why would Sam ask him if Louis is okay? Sam was the one with Louis the whole day.

“Hi Sam” Harry tries to make his voice sound even “Everything’s alright. I’m out of town right now. Uh…just wondering if Louis is with you.”

“Oh. I dropped Louis off along Wilshire at lunch.”

“Okay. And?” Wilshire, Harry thinks. Maybe its just a coincidence.

“That’s it. He cancelled his afternoon session then asked if I can drop him off at Wilshire. He said he was meeting a friend for lunch.”

“Okay. Thank you, Sam. I won’t keep you longer.”

“Alright. Bye, Harry.”

Wilshire Boulevard. Louis hates that part. It’s too busy. They only go there for one reason. Dr. Garber’s office is at Wilshire Boulevard.

Harry dials Dr. Garber’s personal number.

“Hi Harry” Dr. Garber answers on the third ring.

“Good evening, Dr. Garber”

“Is everything okay?” Dr. Garber sounds worried.

“Uh, yes. Everything is alright. I was just wondering if Louis had an appointment with you today.”

Silence.

“Hello, Dr. Garber?”

“I’m here, Harry. Is Louis with you?”

“No. I’m actually out of town.”

“Okay. Is Louis alright?”

“Um…Yes. I mean..I don’t know. That’s why I’m callng. I haven’t been able to reach him the whole day and a friend said they dropped him off at WIlshire. So, I was wondering if he visited with you today. Is he alright? Are his lab results in?”

“Harry, I can’t discuss Louis’ case with you without him present.”

“But…our first meeting, Louis gave permission. He said you can discuss everything with me, right?”

“If he’s in the room, yes.”

“And we discussed his case just two nights ago.”

“That was an emergency, Harry. Louis was sick and couldn’t speak for himself.”

“Dr. Garber, please. I just need to know if Louis is alright. Do I need to go back to LA tonight?”

“I’m sorry, Harry. If Louis is not with you and if there is no emergency, I cannot discuss Louis’ case with you.”

“Okay.” Harry takes a deep breath “Thank you anyway, Dr. Garber”

Harry is about to lose his mind. He video calls Mitch.

“Mitch, is Louis there?” Harry doesn’t even bother with a greeting.

“Uh. Hi Harry. Yes, he’s asleep I think.”

“What time did he get home?” Harry’s panicked voice does not go unnoticed.

“He called around 3 asking if Sarah can pick him up from Wilshire.”

Three hours. Louis was at Wilshire, potentially at Dr. Garber’s office for maybe 3 hours. That’s a lot longer than any of their consultations. This could be bad.

“How was he when he got home?” It takes everything in Harry to keep calm.

“uh…seemed okay. A little distracted maybe, I think he was a bit tired. Are YOU okay??” Mitch now sounding a little concerned.

“Uh…yeah…um…” Where does Harry start explaining this to Mitch? Sarah. He needs to talk to Sarah. She’s really observant. Maybe she picked up something. “Mitch, I need to talk to Sarah.”

“She’s somewhere around here with Dylan. Uh…let me look…Harry, what is going on? You’re seriously worrying.”

He needs to go home now. Louis did not answer any of his calls and has not sent one text, he cancelled his afternoon meeting, he was near Dr. Garber’s office.

“Mitch, I’ll call you back. Can you please tell Sarah to call me immediately please.”

Harry brings the airline website on his phone and looks for the earliest flight. He hasn’t booked his own flight in ages so it takes him a minute. As he’s fumbling through his wallet for a card, his phone rings. It’s Sarah.

“Sarah”

“Harry, how are you?”

“How is Louis, Sarah?”

Silence. It’s enough for Harry to confirm she knows something.

“Sarah, please.”

“Louis got sick last night but it wasn’t bad. He just threw up a little during dinner. I tucked him in after.”

“Why didn’t you guys tell me?” Harry’s not mad. He expected Louis would get sick again but he would’ve wanted to know. 

“Mitch doesn’t know. He was putting Dylan to bed when it happened. And Louis asked me not to tell you.”

“It really was nothing, Harry.” Sarah continues “I probably wouldn’t have even told you if…”

“If what, Sarah?”

“Harry…when Louis got sick last night, I asked him if he was pregnant. He started crying and said no, but that you guys were trying but it’s been difficult and you’re waiting on some lab results….”

“Then…this afternoon, he asked to be picked up from Wilshire and it was a coffee shop but I’m familiar with the area because I have some friends who’s gone through the same thing as you guys…and I know some of the big fertility clinics are there.”

“Okay.” Is all Harry can say. Harry wants to scream at this point but lets Sarah continue. He needs to know everything.

“So I asked Louis what he was doing in the area and he said that’s where his session was, some sort of underground studio but…I asked around, there’s no underground recording studio there, none that any of the people I know knows about, and they would know.”

“He cancelled his session this afternoon.” Harry says as he massages the bridge of his nose

“What?” Sarah asks

“Louis wasn’t answering so I called Sam. She dropped off Louis ar Wilshire around lunch time then cancelled his afternoon session.”

“Oh.” Sarah says quietly.

“I’m coming home tonight, Sarah.”


End file.
